Comic Sample-- Crits appreciated!

[butch mapa]

Hi!

I'm doing a 5 page sample, featuring the animated version of Doctor Strange.

Here's the first page. Pencils only. Crits very much wanted/appreciated!



Will post some more later.

Thanks!

[butch mapa]

Testing the Attachment Manager

[PsiBug]

Strengths:
1) appealing faces
2) skilled use of black areas.
3) well executed environments.
4) good consistent linework
5) good variety of wide, midrange and closeup shots.

Things that could be improved:
1) the telephone pole in panel two "reads" as a gutter (space between two panels) and it is visually distracting
2) in panels three and four, the people have not moved forward at all in relation to the background but the animals have appeared out of nowhere and covered alot of ground. This paradox makes the pacing and the storytelling confusing. Are the animals an illusion? did they instantly appear from thin air or are the approaching from the distance? Are the people still walking forward or have they stopped?
3) based on how close the animals were in panel 4 I would expect them to be overtaking the couple in panel 5. You might consider moving the animals further back into the distance in panel 4 to improve the flow of the story.
4) the skyline reflected in the car's windshield seems a little out of place in my opinion.

Hope that helps.

[butch mapa]

Psibug--

Wow, now that's a GREAT crit!!! Thanks a LOT dude, I really appreciate it. As soon as I figure out how to "thank you," I will.

I don't wanna take out the pole (I like it as a framing tool), but I;ll change it so it isn't a silhouette. I'll throw some light on it, put in some posters on it, so it doesn't look like the gutter.

Yeah, I think I whiffed on the fact that the wolves are supposed to appear out of nowhere. I'll change it, make them transparent in panel 4 so they look like they're materializing out of the shadows. Will also make 'em smaller.

Will change the skyline. Maybe simplifying it will help?

Again-- THANKS A LOT!!!!!!!

[Bai Fan]

If you put the attachment in the first post, there will be a thumbnail on the main page.

[visual-banality]

You could add some mist on the ground around them or seeping off of them to make the wolves seem like they've just appeared.

I think that in the last panel on the man's face there is something off. I believe that the line that you've drawn downward from the cheekbone to distinguish that plane is unnecessary. The rest of your faces don't contain this sort of detail and so it becomes distracting. Erasing the entire portion of shading from his ear to his mouth seems to remedy this and is even cleaner. so bonus!

Gotta say though. Really great background work.

Good luck with it!

(to thank PsiBug click the button in the bottom right portion of his post.)

[butch mapa]

Bai Fan, thanks for the info! I'll start a new thread for the other pages so a thumbnail will come out.

Banality, the mist is a great idea! *kicks self in head for not thinking about that* As for the cheekbone, I still like it, but will tone it down. I think it unnecessarily ages the character as well. Again, thanks!

Here are the roughs for the next 3 pages.