In dire need of critique!

**Brewmaster** · November 6th, 2008, 06:43 PM

This is a piece I did about a month ago in "Alias Sketchbook Pro", I was pretty satisfied with the result, but looking at it again, I want to do it better. Please... tear this thing apart so I can do just that.
Thanks in advance!

(UPDATE!)

here is a small fix for the lineart, I nudged the right arm over a bit, and I re-did the tail. I know that there are other things to fix yet, but I want to work on one thing at a time.

**Bai Fan** · November 6th, 2008, 06:54 PM

I would say, look at both human and fish anatomy.

I will give a little more in depth crit in a bit... working on the workshop thing.

**Bai Fan** · November 6th, 2008, 07:02 PM

While I am doing that, check out this thread

http://conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=137721

It has pretty well thought out mermaid anatomy.

**Brewmaster** · November 6th, 2008, 08:00 PM

Thanks for the link, I'm going to find this extremely useful!

**evilagram** · November 6th, 2008, 08:29 PM

Oh, I use alias sketchbook in some of my work too. I like the pen and paper feel it has for sketching, so it's good for practicing.

Sorry to say, but I chuckled a bit when I saw this. The face just looks a bit ridiculous.

It has, "fish eyes". They're too far apart, not focused.

Try practicing anatomy as bai fan suggested. Obvious advice, almost always a solution for humanoid characters.

Also, I noticed that the edges are a bit messy, particularly around the lower areas. There's bits of white here and there. Be more careful not to leave messy bits at the end unless it's intentional and used as an effect.

**SpecialK** · November 6th, 2008, 08:30 PM

Hmm, at first glance I would possibly fix the tail. Maybe take a look at the japanese fighting fish or a tiger fish. They have really ornamental fins but they still have an underlying structure that makes them feasible and rigid in the right places. Second, I'd take another look at the eyes the one on the right doesn't quite match with the one on the left. Also, what is the point of the arrow tattoo going towards her eye? Maybe add more of those types of tattoos along her arms and neck to really tie it together so it's not just hangin' out there by its lonesome. Another thing to work on would be the transtition between human and fish, it just kind of ends in a jagged line like ya got lazy or something ( don't we all sometimes :p). The misc. groupings of scales are nice but have some unity to them like having the "belly" (meaning middle) scale groupings be smaller and finer compared to the coarse and larger outer groupings. Also, take another look at the shoulders, the right shoulder looks like it could use a nudge over just a bit , unless it's sort of pulled back , in which case you'd want to make it look that way through some judicious shading. Oh, and add a belly button

(if you want to not really necessary hehe). O.k. I'm just about out of wind so I'll leave you alone. Good Luck ^_^

**Brewmaster** · November 6th, 2008, 09:04 PM

Thanks for the advice, I'll get to work on these issues straight away, in the meantime keep the critique coming.

**Bai Fan** · November 6th, 2008, 10:08 PM

Get to fixin' so we can give some different critiques.

**Brewmaster** · November 6th, 2008, 10:48 PM

roger, I'll try to have something presentable by tommorrow.

**Brewmaster** · November 7th, 2008, 02:35 PM

updated the tail and the arm, as mentioned in the above, I'll get to work on the other parts once I've finalized this one.

**Bai Fan** · November 7th, 2008, 03:10 PM

Getting better, but...

**Brewmaster** · November 7th, 2008, 03:11 PM

working on that!

**Bai Fan** · November 7th, 2008, 03:14 PM

Uploaded wrong crit image.

Just woke up, sorry.

Here

**Bai Fan** · November 7th, 2008, 03:14 PM

Uploaded wrong crit image.

Just woke up, sorry.

Here

**Brewmaster** · November 7th, 2008, 03:59 PM

re-fixed the tail. better?

**Bai Fan** · November 7th, 2008, 04:10 PM

Yea, a bit. Could you shrink down the image when posting? Also, if you post the attachment in the new comments, we can see what changes were made.

**Bai Fan** · November 7th, 2008, 04:12 PM

Might want to fix the face now, and look up some reference pictures of how hair looks under water.

**Brewmaster** · November 7th, 2008, 04:13 PM

Roger!

**Bai Fan** · November 7th, 2008, 04:30 PM

Might want to go in front of a mirror to check what a better pose for the head and arms might be too, or pose a girl you know...

**Silvertone** · November 8th, 2008, 12:01 AM

If you have her elbows in towards her body more it will give a more feminine pose. More masculine is elbows out, arms pronated inward. Also give her slimmer fingers and a more "elegant" pose to the fingers. You can really have fun using her hair as a design element especially with her underwater!

**Opilione** · November 8th, 2008, 12:08 AM

I'd work out some face studies.

**Bai Fan** · November 8th, 2008, 06:36 AM

If you brought up her arms behind her head, it would also shape the breasts nicer.

Just something to think about.

**Inverted_insideout** · November 10th, 2008, 05:58 AM

A couple of easy changes to improve the overall form

If you change the curve of her tail a little bit at the top you can suggest that she has hips making her look more feminine as well as more interesting. And by making the hair wavy in out line especially near the top it takes weight off making it look more like she's underwater.

**Brewmaster** · November 10th, 2008, 11:57 AM

Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice so far, I havent had time to update because I've had too much classwork bogging me down. Just letting you all know that I'm not ignoring this thread. I'll have an updated picture very soon though!