First Mini- Comic... A Test Of Sorts

[MrHoboX87]

Well a couple months back I decided to do a mini comic just to see if I could competently do comic style art work. I think I walked away learning a good deal, I admittedly half assed a few things. In fact I'm going back and redoing the hair on the woman and the back ground for the last image.
I didnt really concentrate on the sequential narrative that's usually involved in this sort of thing. I was mainly focusing on the penciling.

[tomwaits4noman]

I didnt really concentrate on the sequential narrative that's usually involved in this sort of thing. I was mainly focusing on the penciling.

That is your first mistake, sorry for been blunt but pretty pics by themselves mean nothing in comics... its a narrative medium, failing to work out sequential narrative makes the whole project null and void, if you want to work on penciling do cover images or sketches....


I like the first page, I think it works in establishing the mood, tone etc... after that I feel it weakens, you have given a whole page to a character in a rather static shot... look at any comic, a whole page is used for action shots.... for establishing a character it needs to be strengthen.

Personally I would move your third page forward so its your second page,
it gets the audience interested, asking questions ok ...diamond, hand,

the 3rd page (290045) have the demon holding the diamond, you could even combine it with page (290047)

(290048) completely lost, new character introduced in 3rd panel and from behind.... where did she appear from? You need more panels establishing this character.... Todd McFarlane, when ever introducing a new key character would dedicate a large frame, giving key information about the character by the pose their expression... we have none of these details here,

and next page full page one image character is gone... confused.....

The drawing is not bad needs to be sharpened up but I am not sure what the purpose of the project is, if you wish to work as a comic book artist its all about Sequential Art....
regardless of how simple the characters are. I suggest looking at comics and sequential art by Will Eisner and DC Comics Guide to Pencilling Comics by Klaus Janson

[MrHoboX87]

It was just a fun little personal project I was doing a little while back. But nevertheless thanks for all the crits you've given me alot of great advice I appreciate you bluntness. Especially the page by page breakdown, that was particularly awesome of you man!