Help with composition (and everything else), please!

[lkinnebrand]

Hallo!

I would love help with the commission I'm working on. I did a couple of thumbnails, settled for this one, colored it, and overworked it. Now I really need to settle the composition before moving on!

Everything is pointing in one direction, and I tried to use the cloud to lead the eye back to the characters, but I don't think it worked... Is the picture too empty, too crammed? Does the characters get lost in the picture? I really would like the bird in there somehow, because it fits the characters, but I can't seem to make it work. Please, throw all the critique you have at me, I need this picture to come out good!

Thank you!


(The last picture is how the original thumbnail looked before I overworked it. I still do like it, even if it's crammed.)