storybook- needs some final touches

[RJBritton]

I did this piece for an up-and-coming 'ghost' compilation book, I went with a more story-book style. It's close to being finished but it seems a little flat, maybe it needs more elements or a color change but I'm really not sure.

Critique and suggestions are greatly appreciated, I really want to make this stand out
thanks!

[David_a_ray]

It's close to being finished but it seems a little flat, maybe it needs more elements or a color change but I'm really not sure.

Logically, I don’t know how well more elements or a color change would increase depth. I’d suggest looking for places to overlap other places, and increasing the value a bit more.

For example: The neck being connected to the shoulder by a line on the blond girl, kind of flattens her out. The girl in the deepest part of the woods looks to be about the same value as the giggling girl.

[Giacomo]

..it seems a little flat...

Not "flat" so much as "empty." All the interesting stuff in this picture has been pushed to the edges and--in the case of the skeletons--almost entirely cropped out. If it were me, I'd cut-and-paste the girl to the center of the image and show all three skeletons in their entirety, not just their heads.

Just my two cents.

[RJBritton]

Not "flat" so much as "empty." All the interesting stuff in this picture has been pushed to the edges and--in the case of the skeletons--almost entirely cropped out. If it were me, I'd cut-and-paste the girl to the center of the image and show all three skeletons in their entirety, not just their heads.

Just my two cents.

I agree with all of your points, but I probably wont be placing the blonde woman in the center as it is a two page spread illustration in the book that's being published.
I'll play around with adding more within the scene and see how re-drawing/ re-positioning the skeletons fares out

[RJBritton]

Logically, I don’t know how well more elements or a color change would increase depth. I’d suggest looking for places to overlap other places, and increasing the value a bit more.

For example: The neck being connected to the shoulder by a line on the blond girl, kind of flattens her out. The girl in the deepest part of the woods looks to be about the same value as the giggling girl.

Yes, more value would be key here. I will play around with overlap too, great suggestion. I will also try to lighten up or minimize the line-art.

[Elwell]

I'd strongly suggest zooming out so that we can see the main character in full figure. Right it's hard to tell exactly what she's doing. I realize she's supposed to be running and holding her skirt up out of the way, but it would be so much clearer if we could see her legs.

[RJBritton]

ok, some very sloppy progress here. I've expanded the frame and showed a little bit more of the scene and changed a few things

[Giacomo]

ok, some very sloppy progress here.

Looks kind of half-assed to me. Free advice: I'd suggest you put this composition aside for a bit and work out the drawings of the girl and the three skeletons in separate files, so they really sell on their own. Then compose the image around them.

As always, just my two cents.

[RJBritton]

Looks kind of half-assed to me. Free advice: I'd suggest you put this composition aside for a bit and work out the drawings of the girl and the three skeletons in separate files, so they really sell on their own. Then compose the image around them.

As always, just my two cents.

Looks half-assed, well OK. I'm going to have to ask you to be more specific. Are you talking about my original post? And maybe you can explain to me why you feel it's 'half-assed'. If you're talking about my recent update, it is just a quick draw over.

But yes, I'll focus more on the woman and skeletons first and come back to the background and see if I can start with a cleaner slate.

[vineris]

It's unclear what this illo is supposed to be showing. There's skeletons, sure, but the girl looks happy to see them. She is in cheerful colours, her mouth is ambiguous, and because her hair covers her eyes you've lost all the cues you'd get from eyes and eyebrows. Her body language is fairly neutral. The ghosts are happy. But then... y'know. Spooky trees and skeletons.

If this is supposed to be cheerful, lose the dark shadows and cute-ify the skeletons. If it isn't, darken the girl so we don't think she's insane to be frolicking in the swamp with the dead. If she's supposed to be insane, indicate that in some way.