I like art

[Atreides]

Greetings fellow art mutants,

Do me a solid and have a look at this would you? I'd really be interested in your thoughts re storytelling and lines of action in this. Anything else you might have to say or insights on how you might have handled it differently would also be much appreciated.

Cheers

[Frida Bergholtz]

I like the style; it is very charming. A nice mixture of flats and shapes and texture.

Lets see, the impression I get of the story is that the soldier found a strange horse that turned out to be possessed by something and ran away with him in to the enemy lines. So I hope that was what you were going for.

He looks scared and hapless but almost as if he is still trying to charge the enemie. But it also looks like he would fall off any second.
If I were you I would add some reins to the horses bridle that he could hold on to or he could hold on to the mane.

The hand behind the hat almost reads as if it is in front of the hat at first glance because of the bright contour around the shape. It looks like a peculiar two fingered hand. A little bit of shading would probably solve that.

I also think that the arm with the saber needs to be reworked. I tried the pose in the mirror and it doesn't add up with the angles.

[arenhaus]

Overall, the style is nice.

A bit more "oomph" to the perspective and action lines would improve the picture. You are already exaggerating and stylizing anatomy, color, etc. - exaggerate and stylize the action too.

The top figure is being awkwardly shy of the left paper edge. Either cut it with the edge to enhance the action, or move it a little away from the edge.

Simplify the shading on the horse (and the rider's pants). It isn't lit the same way as the rest of the picture, and in this context such detailed but formulaic shading looks boring. You don't need all that detail in this style. Think of the simplified form and make a clean, readable falling shadow.

The biggest, and untreatable, flaw in the composition is that the rider and the entrenched soldier will not interact. The horse's movement angle is going to take the rider many yards to the right, so the soldier shouldn't be even worried. Yet the rider is focusing on and threatening the soldier, who ought to be puzzled. Why is this guy yelling at me, can't he see he is going to miss me by a mile?

But you cannot fix that without restarting the whole picture from the thumbnail stage, or at least from the basic perspective plot.

[arenhaus]

P.S. The cavalryman holds the saber with an inverted grip. What gives?..

If it was your intent to show that the cavalryman is confused and out of control, then it's probably not readable enough. Make him more disheveled, and the infantryman more puzzled than scared. The way it is, it doesn't really read as either an intentional attack, or as a clear stupid mishap on the rider's part.

[Atreides]

Thanks a lot. It really helps to have some more eyes on this. You are both right. The intent of the piece is not communicated very clearly so the story is a bit confused.

Frida Bergholtz:
Good point about the hand. It is a weak point. Adding some cast shadows there and on the leg as Arenhaus pointed out would definitely enhance readability. Good call, cheers.

Arenhaus:
Yeah I hear what you're saying about the composition. Whenever I draw stuff moving from one side to the other I can never decide whether to push it back on the line of motion to suggest the action that is about to happen or to push it forward to suggest the speed of the action.

You know I'm not entirely sure I agree with you about the interaction of the two figures. There is the effect of two things in close proximity in space or time where the viewer will automatically make a connection between them. Maybe I'm not getting it and I'll have to think about it some more and play around with it. Thanks for bringing it up.

Hand isn't inverted, just turned around to strike down onto the rider's off side. But if it looks inverted, it's pretty much the same thing isn't it?


Thank you both for the awesome crits. I've got a lot to take away.

[EZpaint]

This is quite nice!
I would however, suggest either pushing the contrasts to push the horse forward or decreasing the contrast on your character to fade him back. Currently, in terms of color and contrast, the horse and the rider seem to be on different planes which is throwing off my eyes.
It is almost as if the rider is in the front when in fact the horse is. Sorry if the explanation is a little bit unclear...