Something is missing, but what is it?

[Maidith]

A revenant Anne Boleyn scaring the bejeezus out of King Henry VIII of England.

While it looks good in the thumbnail I can't help but think that it lacks something, and I can't for the love of God figure out what's missing.
So I don't want to call it done yet. I want to keep working on it.
But what could it be? Detail? Fundamental fixes? The elusive "life"? Gah, I just can't see it.

Let me know what you think. I'm OK with paintovers.

[jamsession]

hey. top notch as per usual ;D.

but i guess it lacks drama. the environment might require a somewhat more spooky atmosphere. perhaps a dimmer, dramatic light, especially on the ghost. and the dude's face looks rather dazed and surprized than rather than of that someone who is supposed to be messing his pants in terror. he looks like he's in the middle of a debate and objects the opinion of anne boleyn like "no way, i didn't eat the pancake, it must've been the servant, plus i didn't know it was supposed to be for the guests ma'am."

[Goremageddon]

I know that my skills are far beyond yours but I`ve been reading comics and collecting art books since I was 5 or so (this just to see that I look at a lot of illustration).

I think that the position of the arms of the zombie nun is really awkward. Don´t know if you wanted to do this to look like her arm is broken but her left arm doesn´t seem in the correct place..

The position of the eyes as well, she seems to be looking elsewhere. The scared guy is definitely looking a ther but she seems like she´s going to kill something else besides the guy. Other than I like the colour.

[TinyBird]

Honestly that looks pretty "staged", and neither of the characters are looking at each other. The woman is staring somewhere above the dude's head and the guy's looking at the woman's chest, and having his face be in perfect profile without any perspective/angle going on look unnatural.
As for the "staged" thing, it just looks like all the things have been placed to squeeze the characters close to each other and as staging elements (like the curtains in back) that don't relate to anything that would be going on in "real life" if this was an actual bed and the woman was standing on real floor.
I mean if she wants to whack the guy, why is she standing next to his pillow and not, say, in the middle of him so that she has more reach?

[Pavel Sokov]

I find the man's gesture of fear... shallow? Badly acted almost, like his making a mockery of the scene.

[Kiera]

Super quick paintover before my co-workers leave .
The repetition of his hands looks comical, spice that pattern up.
I've also shoved Boleyn to the side so that she actually hits Henry and not the pillow when her arms go down.
The pillow and the sleeve also looked weird, it wasn't clear if he had a fat arm, if the sleeve had an unusual fold or what.

Edit: Forgot to mention:
That picture is cool!
Hey there fellow Hamburg illustrator .

[Leonor]

My humble impression is that she needs to be further back and to the right even more than the paintover. Something is spoiling the depth. As I see it when she swings she'll be falling over him or hitting his face with her arms.

[Maidith]

jamsession, thank you!

After looking at some references I think that in expressions of extreme horror the mouth is actually not relaxed, but pulled over the teeth, and especially the lower lip is stretched. That's one change I made here.

Goremageddon, thank you! While I can't see the "broken arm", you're right about the eyes.

(fixed the eyes too)

About the "staged" issue, I think that's something better solved in a new painting. To correct this would require doing it all over again.
I'll keep it in mind!

Kiera, thank you for the paintover, I especially like what you did with his arm!
Many greetings back to you fellow "Hamburger"

I tried moving her even further to the right but it doesn't work well with the composition.

I'm gonna call it finished now! Many thanks to you all.

[Kolbenito]

Her upper left arm looks slightly too vertical, and the left forearm almost looks twisted forward so we are seeing the outside/top plane plane of it instead of the underside and side planes. The cuff on her left arm also reads as having a slight curve to her forearm. It took me a while of looking at it to understand why it doesn't look right, it's really close.

I guess the other thing is the two hand grip for such a small axe. Maybe my brain is polluted from too many video games, but an axe that size looks manageable with 1 hand. Something like her reaching with one hand and swinging with the other might look cool, that or you could beef up the axe to 2-hander size so it looks like this fool is gonna get chopped! This is pretty minor though, it certainly doesn't break anything.

Like the piece, cool subject.

[Kiera]

Sweet, it came out fine .

[Sprogis7]

Hey, nice illustration! I figured I'd comment because I am working on something very similar to this in what you are trying to achieve. The initial drawing from a costumed life drawing class has good character and story but lacks that 'drama' that I (and you) was going for. I knew this but couldnt identify what I had to do just yet since its much easier to move things around in photoshop than on paper (which is why you're supposed to thumbnail!!) Anyway check this out:

This is a still WIP by the way!!



So by doing the initial crop it gives the viewer more of a sense that this creature is overpowering the girl; he is taking up the whole picture plan past the top edge and is looming over her...this is good...but I thought it could be better. By adding a tilt to the ground plane and her, while leaving him as is it adds the sense of unease, and hes looming over her even more because of the tilt. I flipped her around to give a more interesting composition and opposing angles (hers vs his) Then I exaggerated his hands and axe (this is more my image specific b/c im going for a cartoony feel, but you can still do this too! It just wont be as of a dramatic exaggeration) to make them huge compared to her, and I blew up the dead hand on the ground to give the image more depth....anyway this is just a quick blurb about composition that I hope helps you out in the future. Keep it up!

[sicko]

the lighting sources are a bit distracting and Henry's portrayal is a little too Norman Rockwell meets Disney compared to Anne's zombie visage.

Both are excelent btw but don't seem to fit together. maybe Henry needs to have his right hand clawing out of the bed (looks like he's saying "oh my!")

experimented with a little composition change here. could probably use some cropping too to keep the action tight


that said, you've got much greater skills than I do

[Elwell]

What I'd do if it were mine:

[Maidith]

Wow. So many interesting concepts and ideas!

Sprogis, I like your subject, very scary and creepy!

Elwell, great solution. Your Henry looks a lot henrier, especially.