I like it here. I'm taking over this forum.

[Tacijana]

Hey, Amarok. I gotta tell you.. You totally made my day back when I first read your comment. Thanks, man. I honestly have no idea, what I'm doing half the time I'm studying and the other half is probably pretty much just my "sense of humor". So I'm glad it makes sense to someone at least.

pupuska: Yeah, I still need me some serious code-cracking on light/shadow part, 'coz I get much too timid when drawing directional light. So I usually just avoid it altogether. :3 But yeah. You read me like an open book. Haha. You got me.

-------------

I've been in a really bad place this past month. In fact, I didn't pick up my pen this whole time since my last post here. I was afraid of it. I was so afraid to fail and so convinced at how much I suck and how I'm never going to get better, that I couldn't get myself to draw anything, not even a straight line.

I'm overwhelmed by everything I still have to learn, demotivated by both, the lack of feedback and my dissatisfaction with every piece I've done up to this point. I haven't got a clue what to do or how/where to even begin doing a portfolio, since I think it would be a high time to have something to show. But naaaaaaw, everything I do sucks, which tells me I need to study more and it's like a friggin vicious circle. I'd like to say that I just needed a break and that I intentionally didn't touch my drawing tools, but I'd be lying. I was crawled up in my dark hole of a room the whole time. Watching movies, reading comics and wasting my (precious) time.
---------------

WIP of something meaningless. Let's just say I wanted to draw a renaissance outfit and clouds. Clouds are so much fun. Dark clouds are so much fun. Heavy, dark storm clouds are so much fun.

[forestdino]

Tacijana, you are definitely being to hard on yourself. You got real talent and an eye for composition. It would be a shame if you gave up. Keep drawing for yourself, because that's the most important thing to remember. Do it for yourself and the feeling you get when your drawing. Don't stop even if you don't show anyone your stuff. Now enough drivel from me. Nice to see you posting again.
Bill

[Tacijana]

Bill, you're a cool dude. And when you're right you're right. Nothing in this world makes me feel more fullfilled than drawing and painting. Nothing. So I guess we're on the right track, at least. Yeah, we'll be alright, won't we?

That shit has been piling up for a very long time. There's noone around here (my town/friends/family) who'd understand the struggles we Iwannabeanartists have. So once a year I have to spill it out somewhere (and over the internet of all places...jeesh). All the doubts, insecurities, fears and pains that get accumulated over the year. This is when I'd kill to get a good mentor or go to an art school just to be pushed back into focus every time I run out of my own juice and start losing it.

Doing what I love to do makes me a happy camper most of the time. It's just those moments when you realize you're on a highway pushing a tricycle, that gets me twitching nervously.
-----------------------------

Same thing as the last time, the little dude is more detailed, cut and served.

[Tacijana]

Inspired to do 2 quick studies after the awesome horse studios stream. G'night.

[Tacijana]

A B-day present/sketch for a friend. I call it "Higg's bosom". Get it? Get it?

Edit: She has now 5 fingers on her right arm.

[Tacijana]

This week's cow got me thinking. What do I find disgusting?
Anyway. Sketch before bed.

[Tacijana]

Didn't change it's head and front limbs because I like it. Changed everything else.

Sucky values suck.

[Edward B]

Hello Tacijana! Great sketchbook!
I dont think there is any sucky values here.
The creature is truly eerie, the grainy quality of the creature reminds me of that look from horror titles and old black and white security cameras.
The slight seethrough material of the sluglike tail and four limbs are working very well, like a jellyfish.
Some thoughts on the shadows:
the four knitting limbs have no cast shadow along the ground, I'd add a subtle soft shadow along the ground so that we can see that they are in the air more clearly and not in any way resting on the ground.
I'd also get rid of the black areas in the ground or lighten them somewhat as they are quite destracting right now beeing so pitch black.

(If they are supposed to be pools of black tar rather than holes in the ground, maybe some fine highlights where the tar hits the walls in the ground)
Creepy stuff! Hope to see more!

[Tacijana]

Edward B: Thanks, man. Grainy texture was caused by ditlev brush. I LOVE THAT BRUSH. I don't have to know how to draw, that brush draws for me.
If you say values don't suck, then they absolutely do not suck. Yay! I think I'm just used to believe that they do, because I don't have the grasp of it yet. Unlike you. Pure poetry, man. Thanks for dropping by, you made me happy. And thanks for all the suggestions, I only had time to implement them at the very last minute before deadline, been busy before. That's why stuff is off.

-----------------

I want to do so many things that have the same deadline...But I'd be satisfied if I make one good pic this week. Yes, that would be awesome.

A b-day pin-up line art (I think that the guys that get these don't really like 'em, they never say anything at all?), a study of a scale worm (trying to figure out values/form), only 4/40 naked ladies, Bill,... and cow 266 "finished", but I try not to look at all the cast shadows that make no sense perspective wise.

[Velocity Kendall]

wow its cool how the cloak comes off revealing his crazy body! like it!

[forestdino]

Wow, great update, you just set the measurement for my 40 naked chicks higher. Great values on everything. I gotta stop going for speed and try to get the rest 40 just half as good as yours. Great stuff.
Bill

[Tacijana]

Wooo I'm back! Thank you, Thank you. It's good to be back.

Velocity Kendall, when I saw your comment ALL THOSE MONTHS AGO my heart skipped a few beats. Seriously. I have a huge respect and admiration for your work. Gah, why am I bad with words? Thank you! I'm a girl. I'm allowed to have a fan girl attack, right?

Bill, this will sound cheesy and if there was a way I could just embarrassingly buddy punch your shoulder, I would. But only words remain so I can't express this in any other way than by saying that I'm honored and that it's a great pleasure knowing that something *I* do motivates someone else in their pursuits. Even when it's about rendering nude ladies' behinds But you and I both know that you started this motivational mary-go-round. So I should be thanking you, instead.

Thanks

Not much to show this time around, just some wips

[forestdino]

Wow, Great skin tones. You've improved a lot! I especially like the Frazetta-like one with the monsters in the background, but that's just me. Top notch anatomy also. I'm really looking forward to your Future posts.

[Tacijana]

Yeah, I'm alive. Nothing special to report. I'm trying to organize my life, starting by getting up early, doing warm ups and then moving on to larger personal pieces or studying, depending on the mood I'm in. I think I got over my pin up phase for now. I'm glad, because I know that's not what I want to do in the long run. They're a fun break from everything else, but that's all they really are. And they're great for testing new methods. I'm mostly concentrating on getting random ideas down now. Out of my head. And onto the canvas. Every morning. Short sketches, nothing major. Trying to find what makes me tick. Illustration, concepts, or what.

I also got over my fear of making mistakes. I think. I still cringe, but it's less frustrating. Continuing to draw every single day helps, obviously. I'm getting balder and my hand feels like it can recreate what my mind is thinking. I also kill my studies and sketches frequently now. I do studies and after I'm finished, I delete files. I'm not afraid to start over on a painting gone wrong either. My confidence is definitely growing. And I stopped copying references. Yay! That one is a major relief.

I had a talk with (most probably the only one on the market in my country. Small country...) an agent about my work. He gave me some great feedback, but I'm obviously not ready yet and I'm more and more inclined toward working in a studio somewhere abroad, like Germany or Britain... So I'm still a brilliant portfolio short...of applying anywhere...*bangs her head against the desk*

So where am I? I still don't know what exactly it is that I want to do, I avoid putting people into environments and I still avoid using color. I also can't seem to commit to a project that involves more than one piece and/or planning. So plenty of stuff to do, let's get busy.

[lionheartGFX]

really amazing sketchbook you have here, im amazed at how delicate your linework can be at times, but what caught my eye the most where the spot on values you have and rendering as well, how do you tackle painting? could you write down quick steps for me? im starting to do digital but like you i have alot of doubts and am still in the phase when im a little bound to reference so im still in training wheels and seeing the beautiful way you render (specially skin) i just had to ask thanks in advance, and please keep on with the good work, like i said i see really great quality you could start to expand your visual library and to start learning from the more accomplished artist theres alot you can understand just by taking 10 minutes to analyze a well done painting or piece, im being incredibly nitpicky here because i would love to see you grow as an artist, and yes i know artist is a very big word that comes with alot of insecurities and not only financial, also emotional. but the reward is really worth it and the joy that it gives to bring out your vision and to see the reaction in your audience when they see the work you bled and sweat for its really great im gonna stop rambling now hahaha happy christmas wish you loads of health so you can focus on your art! work harder and harder

[forestdino]

Hi Tacijana,
Good to see you posting again. Thanks for stopping by my SB, and thanks for all the links, wow, you probably typed a half-a-day on those, thanks. I think you should ease up on yourself, you are really awesome. The story telling part will come. Heres something interesting I saw the other day. When you don't know what to draw or lacking a story this could help:
http://www.ctrlpaint.com/generating-ideas/

I read a lot, I mean a lot, and I try to take some of my favorite scenes and draw them or thumbnail them for starters. I'm probably not telling you something that you don't know or haven't heard before though.
What I try to do, for myself, I know what I am uncomfortable with and thats what I do. I've been painting a lot with oils and acrylic lately. Sometimes I think, "do you really want paint that woodgrain on that piece of wood?" and then I do it because not to do it would be wimping out, and the picture would suffer if I didn't, but mostly I do it because of that 5 seconds of doubt in myself and and that's usually when I learn the most. OK, Sorry for rambling, I've had two glasses of wine and it's 1 in the morning, but what wanted to say is anything is possible, you've laid the foundation for what you want and the rest will follow. I'm pretty certain when you look back in five years from now you'll see that you learned the things that you where supposed to.
see you later,
Bill

[Tacijana]

lionheartGFX: Heeeey, thanks for your kind words and encouragement! I'm building a list of artist that inspire me, like you suggested. I'll share it in my next post, along with a short description of my rendering process, just for you Thanks for dropping by and a belated happy new year! (Don't ever stop "rambling", it was fun to read your post )

forestdino: Hey, man. Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, you're not telling me anything new, but somehow I keep forgetting these things so it's good to be reminded again. I read a lot as well, but never think of putting down a few thumbnails. Thanks, I'll try it
Huh. I admire people who face their fears and doubts right there on the spot. I think that's what's so attractive AND intimidating about you and your work. I knew right from the start, that there's much I can learn from you and I'm proven right time and time again. Believe it or not, facing my fears was my new year's resolution (not that I actually needed a NY resolution, it just coincided whit my intent at the time). It's basically to shake off the remaining fear of showing my work to the world, stop being afraid of being a great artist (stop doubting myself) and test myself how far I can really go in any given situation. Basically I'll just push myself over the line where it says "I can't do this, I'm not good enough" and just friggin' do it. Not just in art but in life in general.
So far, I'm doing pretty well, actually.
I'm glad I met you and that you're my sketchbook buddy, Bill. You're a cool frood, just like Gandalf.

Imma go check that link now, thanks!

---------------------------------------------

Studies. And some heads from imagination at the end.
But fear not! Real pictures coming soon!