The Blackguard (visual story)

[dashinvaine]

28

As Asterith cried to Odo
it already seemed too late
she was born above the treetops
this she could not tolerate!

[dashinvaine]

29
Finding her sword still in her hand
she thrust back with her arm
the beat's cheek she lacerated
but she failed to do great harm.

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30.
Back the Prykon tossed its head
and hurled the girl on high.
Head over heels she whirled
and down she tumbled from the sky.

[Invalid User]

Nice work so far! I always enjoy seeing work done in graphite, perhaps you could try pushing your values a little more. Keep up the good work!

Edit: I just looked at page 1, I can see you don't need my advice, keep on posting

[Aperson4ever]

Truly amazing! You are just fantastic with graphite! Its so amazingly detailed, Keep it up!

[Jazz]

Very cool!! You put plenty of effort in your graphite work! I surely wish I had the patience... Interesting story, yet I can even look at the pictures and get a general idea of what's happening, so that's great!! I'm really impressed that you created whole scenes, not simply characters or backgrounds, but both are there and both are useful in the storytelling.

While anatomy was mentioned with what you could improve, also watch the scaling of monster and human. Around the August 5th posts, where the man is fighting the monster, monster's head looks a good deal larger than the man's head in one of the pictures, but then the monster's head shrinks in another.

I'm not sure if you're drawing the picture over a sketch or right from scratch, but if you further plan out how you want the scene to look (such as, in thumbnails), that might help you bring out more expression and gesture movement in the characters for a final. I agree about their stiffness, but I wonder if that's because you're applying all details right away.

Considering all the above, keep it up because you're doing well with this tale! Clever rhymes, too!

[dashinvaine]

31
The prykon it had other plans
than far to let her slip-
It caught her booted lower leg
In fang-filled, vice-like grip.

[dashinvaine]

Very cool!! You put plenty of effort in your graphite work! I surely wish I had the patience... Interesting story, yet I can even look at the pictures and get a general idea of what's happening, so that's great!! I'm really impressed that you created whole scenes, not simply characters or backgrounds, but both are there and both are useful in the storytelling.

While anatomy was mentioned with what you could improve, also watch the scaling of monster and human. Around the August 5th posts, where the man is fighting the monster, monster's head looks a good deal larger than the man's head in one of the pictures, but then the monster's head shrinks in another.

I'm not sure if you're drawing the picture over a sketch or right from scratch, but if you further plan out how you want the scene to look (such as, in thumbnails), that might help you bring out more expression and gesture movement in the characters for a final. I agree about their stiffness, but I wonder if that's because you're applying all details right away.

Considering all the above, keep it up because you're doing well with this tale! Clever rhymes, too!

Thanks. I'm reworking sketchier drawings that I did a couple of years ago, in most cases, but I may be as well to start over from scratch with some of them.

[dashinvaine]

32
Odo took Maulric's sword and axe
then rushed to Sikandor's steed:
'I must have this horse, and this rope
For pressing is my need.'
With no time for more courtesy
down he wrenched the poor knight
Then spurred the horse to give pursuit
to the snatching beast in flight.