A Night in the Attic, Need some critiques before I start inking

**Annie H** · November 20th, 2009, 05:23 PM

Sorry for the horrible scan, red lines aren't the best in terms of scanner friendliness.

Anyways, third piece I'm working on for my portfolio, just wanted to post it up and see if anyone noticed any mistakes or oddities I aught to correct before I jump in with the inking pens.

He's deranged, sitting in an old abandoned attic, alone, sewing a doll.

Thanks in advance for the help!

Annie

**Euroption** · November 20th, 2009, 05:33 PM

the only thing that stands out to me is that his left (our right) arm looks like a mess of scribbles. i thought his arm was unraveling at first.i think i can make out some fingers, but its hard to tell. it seems like it goes from his shoulder straight to the hand.
try to look up reference or get a friend to pose for you.

**Annie H** · November 20th, 2009, 05:42 PM

it's mostly just because of a massive awkward mess of lines (It took me like.. three minutes to figure out which arm you were talking about even though you specified.. I r smrt) His elbow is tucked slightly behind his thigh, the bend in his wrist sort of outlined by that second curve there.

His arm is wrapped up in a couple of wires, does that help explain some of the lines?

**Rafal Dorsz** · November 20th, 2009, 06:17 PM

I took me some time to figure out what's going on with that arm (his left) but now it seems okay, I guess You could make it more readable by varying the weight of the inked lines later.
I'm not sure about the folds on his sleeve on his right arm. They don't seem to be on the round form of the arm inside, therefore making it flat, so You might want to check that with some reference.
Oh and I just noticed the perspective of his feet may be different than that of the floor (so that it doesn't look like the feet are resting on the floor).

Other than that I like the piece so far, so keem working!

**Annie H** · November 20th, 2009, 06:25 PM

thank you =3 I'm struggling hardcore to collect opinions from people.

Had the sleeves critiqued by someone else as well, guess I need to rework those a bit...