Need critique/help polishing

**Andrew_Jen** · November 13th, 2009, 10:06 PM

So part of me likes what I came up with here and part of me knows I can do better, I'm just kinda stuck. So please help me push this piece if you see anything that can be improved on. Thanks.

(It's supposed to be somewhat abstract with the "sun" in the back but i dont want to use that as an excuse, so feel free to rip it apart)

**Josu** · November 13th, 2009, 10:26 PM

it is lookin rlly great.
as personal advice i would say that the sun stand out too much, maybe softer coloros would make it better also the separation between the black and red part of the sun should be smoother.
and i would like to see more detail on the sniper riffle

**MyOrangeHat** · November 13th, 2009, 10:46 PM

In the thumbnail version the sun seems to really work but when it's big then the line across it is really jarring. When it's small it just blends better and works as a design element.

Also I get confused and loose the gun right around the scope area. It gets all lost with the other stuff there.

It is an interesting image to look at though.

**DBZMerciter2005** · November 13th, 2009, 10:55 PM

I don't have much to add outside of the fact that I love the little detail in his visor with the yellow light. Such a beautiful detail.

**Andrew_Jen** · November 13th, 2009, 11:26 PM

ok, so sounds like I really need to go over the sniper rifle, and it sounds like people want to like the sun, just needs to be tweaked somehow maybe.

I'll see what I can do. thanks

**Pixelestial** · November 14th, 2009, 12:00 AM

You may want to soften or blur the outlines of the objects that are visible through the green wings. At the moment, it's not very clear what is in front of what in that area, and the ambiguity is drawing attention that would be better focused elsewhere. If the objects further away were softened, it would enhance the translucent quality of the wings.

I also thought that gray shape on his back was a backpack, but now I see that it's the stock of the gun. I'm not sure how you can make that clearer, but it's something I thought you should be aware of.

**Tangleworm** · November 14th, 2009, 12:43 AM

I like the feel of this overall. The visor looks nice, and I like the translucent bit on the mouthguard.

As the others have stated, though, the sun and the gun both need a bit of work. Right now it looks sort of like a ball or a mass rather than a sun, and it looks rather close to the character, especially because he seems to be casting shadows on it. Something that is glowing strongly will only have white in the middle, with the color being revealed at the edges. If you want to keep an abstract feel but still keep the color scheme, perhaps make it into a strong backlight and have some colored lines crossing it?
As for the gun, I think you should research real life guns and their parts, and check the scale of the parts. The handle and trigger look rather small, and the scope looks like a tube rather than the complex thing a real scope is. With the stock over the shoulder like that, the trigger would leave him holding his hand very close to his own chest, which you should check. It would also be very hard for him to align his eye with the scope. Some more mechanical details would also improve it and make it more in line with the aesthetic of the armor. I like the swirly bits in it, though.

**Spiderlok33** · November 14th, 2009, 02:21 AM

Good job. I like it, dragon is my fav part

**Graive** · November 15th, 2009, 03:19 AM

If you really really wanna push this piece, I suggest defining some strong lighting and add in some complimentary colors throughout the piece. Right now below the helmet the drawing looks too flat, and I feel that it needs some special attention. Think about the color of the light behind the subject, and think about the angles of that light. I think there should be some highlights along that pipe, and some nice edge highlights on the gun. Play with it! Experiment with colors. That's the beauty of photoshop, you get to do whatever you want without many repercussions.

Get a little loose with your paint application too if you want to push a mood and energy. Vary your brushes.

Looking great! I hope we can push you in the direction you're looking toward.

**Andrew_Jen** · November 15th, 2009, 04:35 AM

Thanks for all the input. This is far from done, again.

I'm making the sun a little less abstract by making the shape I wanted into a flag instead and making the sun more of an eclipse. There's some rendering/color changes but all that will be worked out...

I'm going to redo the whole rifle now, just building up reference and seeing how I can mix what's functional with what I want.

**Tangleworm** · November 15th, 2009, 03:45 PM

The flag is a nice touch, though it does steal a lot of attention. I suggest fitting it into the chroma key a bit more.
As for the eclipse, it still doesn't feel quite right...perhaps because the scene's not lit like it's an eclipse, so the sun looks like an object as it was.

**Graive** · November 16th, 2009, 02:37 AM

Like the post above mentioned, an eclipse creates a certain color that radiates through a piece, and of course things will become a bit darker. If anything, the moon will have bright rim light around it, because the sun is trying to break over all it's edges. I think the character and suit are a good value, but maybe darken up the background a little to give that shrouded look.

**Falchion** · November 16th, 2009, 10:46 AM

Try taking a look at Halo's battle rifle for ideas for your own, it's a practical weapon. *Shrugs* Up to you, though.

**Rockman!** · November 16th, 2009, 01:08 PM

The face needs work. She has little to no forehead, and all her features are too far forward. Also, Her arm is too long. I'd suggest getting a buddy or acquaintance to stand/crouch in a similar pose, and see how their proportions and face look. If you have a bike helmet or something remotely close to her sci-fi helmet, make em wear it while the pose : 3

**Andrew_Jen** · November 16th, 2009, 06:01 PM

thx guys, I cooled the colors and it feels more eclipse like. I'll keep pushing it and balancing it, I don't wanna post the update till I get work done on the rifle since that is one of the major fixes. Maybe tonight if I have time, thx again, hopefully you'll feel the update is a tiny bit more successful.

**Tangleworm** · November 17th, 2009, 12:06 AM

Good luck, then.

**Mah ' Crub** · November 17th, 2009, 08:19 PM

Hi Jen, I am Mah'Crub, really like what you have done so far and just as you finish up, here I am. You know these are all just opinions that we have, and you have to feel whats right. So here I go, Could you make the sun into a cratered moon, instead of a sun in eclipse? It might help soften the feel of it.
Also, I love the wings, could you add some veins into them. At first I didn't know that they were wings. Veins like a dragon fly's? You are brave to ask for help. We all need it from time to time.

**Andrew_Jen** · November 26th, 2009, 12:40 AM

Still has a lot of work to go since I'm trying to fix a lot but here's some progress.
Hopefully can get more done soon

**MyOrangeHat** · November 26th, 2009, 12:51 AM

oooh the new updated version is moody. I like the changes.

The gun is still bugging me a little. So I stared at it for a few minutes and I think it's the black outline on the gun that's bothering me so much. It make those hi-lites on the gun that should seperate it from the background get lost. Maybe try the gun without the thick black outline. It is really the only place you're relying on line anyway. Just a though. Good update though, man!

**Obstfelder** · November 26th, 2009, 06:55 PM

Its a great composition. I think that the painting would benefit from some thighter lines. Maybe use the pen tool, to make the highlights on the edges of the gun and the character really sharp. I think it would really enhance the graphic qualities of your piece.

Your colors are also a lot more interesting now by the way. Great work!

**Tangleworm** · November 27th, 2009, 06:23 PM

Interesting changes. The mood has certainly changed a lot since the start; with the removal of the dragons and warm colors, the impression has changed from a soldier mid-battle to a sort of cold sniper. I concur with OrangeHat that the gun still could use some work, though...not just in the line, but in overall robustness and construction. You've done a good job with the sniper scope, but I think more detail could be added still (Where's the charging handle, magazine, pins and screws, etc). You might even want to downsize the handguard a bit, though the left hand right now is looking very nice. I'll assume the lack of handle and trigger is temporary.

**Andrew_Jen** · December 31st, 2009, 03:46 PM

Semester got super heavy but I'm free now (gotta love winter and summer breaks).

Anyway I'm way happier (maybe not happy, but happier

) with the direction it's going, and I'm trying to take my time and render better. I'm trying to change the gun a bit to be more realistic (bolt action, more practical construction) so its still being revised but figured I'd finally update on here...

**Tangleworm** · December 31st, 2009, 04:53 PM

For all the bolt-action guns I've seen, the handle is on the other side (For a right-handed shooter), and I don't know how it would work if its path is curved like that. The roundness of the handle also clashes a bit with the aesthetic of the whole gun...a more angular, protruding would work just fine (Look up charging handles on something like the Bushmaster ACR for example).
The placement of the right forearm also looks a bit strange...judging by the angle of it, the entire right arm is a bit short.
The gun is going in a nice direction, though.

**Craz** · December 31st, 2009, 05:03 PM

Have you tried zooming way out and flipping the image?
I'm not sure the flag really adds anything to the picture. It's certainly very distracting.
I'm not sure what's going on with the orange spots on her back.
Posting a smaller version of the image along with the size you have been posting will help us see and find problems with the composition. As it is, it won't fit on everyone's monitor.

**Andrew_Jen** · December 31st, 2009, 06:06 PM

haha, thanks, I definitely need to do more gun research. I'll see what I do and definitely remember that for future reference, will help a lot. I was also questioning the big over the shoulder stalk, part of me likes it but part of me doesnt.

Yes the right forarm is awkward, I think forshortening it and changing the angle will help a bit, I posed for it real quick and its not too far off but can def' be adjusted.

@crez thanks for the input, and yeah I constantly check the thumbnail and flip canvas, and im spoiled by the zoom in modern browsers so I didnt think of posting a thumb, will do next time. I'll change the chroma on the flag but I decided to leave it for now. Haha, I know it's a bit androgynous but its a guy btw, if you get this I just wanna know what features read inherently feminine to you so I can be aware of it.

**Craz** · December 31st, 2009, 06:28 PM

I thought it was male at first, but then somebody referred to it as a her and I took a second look. It was the appearance of eye-makeup that made me think your intentions were for a female. Other than that, the figure is completely androgynous.

**Tangleworm** · January 2nd, 2010, 02:53 AM

I just realized: The most eye-catching and contrasting part of the picture is the glow around the yin-yang ear guard, which is very close to the center of the canvas and is thus sticking the eye there. As he stands his neck would be rather long as well, and the bulk of his arm can't be accurately discerned due to the obscuring of the orange bands.
The swirly shapes on the object in the bottom left (the one that appears to connect to the flagpole) also clash a bit with the flow.

As for the stock design: stocks that wrap around like that do exist in real life, but they generally go under the arm and are more in the form of a rough hook shape that swivels out. This feature is found on certain shotgun stocks; when the hook is out, it stops the weight of the shotgun from dipping the muzzle down during competition. This one could simply be left in as artistic license, but perhaps you could try an under-the-arm design and see how it looks. What may also be making it look odd is the shape of the part the shoulder goes into; it's sort of a circle, but trails off into a straight line on the front end before going into a curved line back into the frame. The straight conflicts with the circle established on the outside part of the stock's silhouette, and the curve conflicts with the straight lines in the frame of the gun.