P.O.W.! Challenge 22--Final Poll

[Ilaekae]

Final Poll: P.O.W.! 22: The Winner...

This poll is really late going up because the challenge ended just as all hell broke lose at my end. I had surgery, had an accident and couldn't walk for a while, and got involved in a Team Chow that ran right down to the wire on time. My apologies on that.

Normally, I wouldn't have a poll for only two finished entries, but these two artists worked hard to get their posts in, and it would be a shame not to let you all at least get a chance to express your thoughts on their work. Thank you, eekolite and Onyx Serpent

The voting will be open for roughly two weeks. Vote for one artist, and just to remind you--the theme is "The Winner..." with any interpretation you felt appropriate to your story. The art could have been either black and white or color, so don't let that sway your vote.

Artists are posted in alphabetical order...

[Ilaekae]

eekolite...

[Ilaekae]

Onyx Serpent...

[DeuceRok]

I voted for the 2nd. Not because the art is necessarily better, but its concepts are clearer. I wondered if it was just me who didn't understand, so I showed it to a friend and she didn't get it either.

The art , from a technical standpoint, is whimsical and solid. The lack of extreme distinction between the two characters becomes an issue.

Here's what's unclear (I apologize if it takes a harsh tone, that is not my intention AT ALL!):

1. Exhibits our 3 characters and shows the start of a race. This is probably the clearest page in the whole thing. It also ends up leading to later confusion. I don't need to see the "referee" mouse's face. I will know he's the referee from his size and the fact that he's not on a wheel. Whatever you do, this opening shot sets the scene.
2. Starts out very clear. We have 2 mice/rats going all out. The end panel is bad. The art is solid, but as for the visual communication, I'm sorry to say, it is utterly horrible and it's the first place you lose the reader. Why? The two shots are set side by side, in a similar fasion as the 1st shot and appears continuous. This leads one to believe that this is all happening at once and appears to add a 4th character. Even once one figures this out, they have to try and decipher the ref's confusing expression. In the left one looks like he's singing or maybe talking, but without words or better body language, we're left to wonder. The right side isn't nearly as bad because he seems mad or upset, but we don't quite know why.
3. I was going to originally say that this shot was bad because the upper right violated the camera angle. Then I realized it's the character on the right hand side (relative to the opening shot). Why did this mistake occur? Because the opening shot doesn't introduce us to the difference (the mark on the nose) immediately. Also, I can't tell what the refs goal is here. Yes, it's communicated that the right mouse is now determined to go harder and that the ref has changed his plan of attack. Or rather... is it a plan of attack? Is the goal of this race to see who can get the wheel spinning faster? Who knows?!
4.OK, so the mouse on the left gets off his wheel. Where did he go?! OH WAIT! There he is, back on the wheel. Wait... what's that on his nose. OH! It's the other mouse who stayed on. Ok... enough snark. This is confusing because you flipped the camera angle. The middle shows the mouse being congratulated.... ok, so the point was a test of endurance? If that's true, then why didn't the left one take the cheese? ok, so maybe the cheese was like steroids? Then why did the one on the right go faster, as if it was a reward? I understand the ending that the real winner is the mouse who said f$#@ it and take a nap.

Some general rules to fix most of these issues.
1. DO NOT let the mouse that is shown on the right side EVER occur to the left of the other wheel! He may reside in between the two or to the right of his wheel, but any position to the left of the other mouse leads to issues.

2. DO NOT let the mouse that is shown on the left side EVER occur to the right of the other wheel! He may reside in between the two or to the left of his wheel, but any position to the right of the other mouse leads to issues.

3. The Ref needs to be in front or behind the two mice. You may zoom in or zoom out, but you should never turn the view 180 degrees. This disorients the reader and leads to more clarity issues.

[ErikHolfelder]

Aha! Thank you so much for the detailed crit DeuceRok. I completely agree with your points. I am quite new to this, and was trying to convey a somewhat complicated idea without words and it did not come across.

Basically, the idea here was that the big mouse had a piece of cheese for which the two smaller mice were going to compete for. How they would do this is run on their wheels, and the big mouse would get his back scratched by leaning up against the outside of the wheels. This is where the comparison shots come in, on the left he is supposed to look pleased, and on the right he is supposed to look angry/disappointed to describe who was doing a better job.

At this point, the mouse that was losing decides to step it up, and runs faster to give a better scratch. The big mouse notices and heads back over. The mouse that was previously about to win the cheese notices, and becomes disappointed. Then, he decides that he is more content taking a rest and chilling out rather than trying even harder to win for a measly piece of cheese. Thus, he hops off, heads over to a soft pile of shavings, and lays down. The final two shots are supposed to indicate him looking up at the other mouse winning the cheese and not being mad or disappointed, but looking fairly content.

Essentially, he found a different way to become a "winner" than joining in on the race of desire.

Thank you once again Deuce for the great crit. I will definitely focus on clarity of who is doing what, specifically by paying attention to the character's physical locations in relation to where I show them within a panel. (I.E. left or right side of panel) Cheers!

P.S. I will also vote for Onyx Serpent. His is clearly superior.

[arttorney]

I like the collage of textures approach, eekolite. Storytelling just didn't work out this time. Come back soon. Think about the panels like movie scenes or a stage/puppet show and it will probably help you avoid confusing people. If you have some uniform looking characters give them some identifying things, like an earring or amulet or something. With mice, I guess it's the color of the fur.

Onyx Serpent. I could at least follow the story line, but I couldn't figure out what he was taking and why he was a saboteur. This probably would have come out with more pages or crisper rendering, both of which I know would have cost a lot of time. I hope you'll stick around too.