Project for study - Urban love story UPDATE at the bottom

**Vaejoun** · May 6th, 2009, 05:45 AM

Now I want to present my actual project I am working on for this semester.
The topic is just: A picture story (no matter what kind of) about love.

Things to do:
- Working out the pages
- Total overwork of the Typo
- adding love on page 5 (done)

After my last book project, which was in a detailed stile to look like traditional painting I wanted to try something new and fresh. something where I dont have to look for everything to be correct and perfect.

It started with a sketch about the maine characters a very sad looking boy and a happy girl. I really liked them both, so I thought about a very simple story.

The story starts all in grey. The boy is alone and sad, then he meets a young girl called "Fun", she is a bright color spot. Together they rediscover his happiness in life. At the end of the story the whole page is in color again when he meets her sister "Love" and (of course) falls in love with her.

The story is not brilliant, but I think it works. ^^

Here are the pages so far. doublepage 1-3 are nearly finnished and the other 3 are more or less planned. But I am still open for crits and feedback.
This project is a lot of fun to do.

**MiniGoth** · May 6th, 2009, 09:33 AM

Honestly? I really love it.

**Giacomo** · May 6th, 2009, 10:41 AM

I think it looks great too. No real critiques, except to maybe suggest you add some more texture in the "empty areas."

My only other remark is that I'm not sure what's happening with the dog in picture 6--it sort of looks like the boy's kicking the dog in the face. (Using my limited German, I can decipher that they are tollten mit einem kleinen Hund herum. Google unfortunately offers no translation for "herumtollten," but I hope it's something dogs enjoy.)

**snowies** · May 6th, 2009, 01:38 PM

I absolutely adore this!

I'm nowhere near your level, so aside from what Giacomo said, I can't think of anything to critique on.

**Noah Bradley** · May 6th, 2009, 02:25 PM

Looks good to me.

The only thing I'd reconsider is the type work. It isn't doing the pictures justice.

**Vaejoun** · May 7th, 2009, 12:03 AM

@MiniGoth: thx a lot

@Giacomo: XD You are right, the sketch really looks like he would kick the dog. But of course he doesnt. ^^° I will adjust him while working out the picture.
"Herumtollen" means jumping and playing around.

@snowies: Thank you
@Noah Bradley : Thanks, The Typo is the last thing I will adjust. For now its enough to know that there will be enough space to play with the text and that I know where it will be placed roughly.

**Tangleworm** · May 7th, 2009, 07:04 PM

The concept is very nice and the textured look of things suits it well.

The part where the guy meets Love is kind of abrupt, though. It skips from him and Fun just walking to him holding hands. Perhaps there could be an intermediate page where he catches a glance of her?

(Also, Fun seems to be missing a nose in the second page)

**ChristmasBunneh** · May 7th, 2009, 07:27 PM

Originally Posted by Tangleworm

The part where the guy meets Love is kind of abrupt, though. It skips from him and Fun just walking to him holding hands. Perhaps there could be an intermediate page where he catches a glance of her?

My thoughts exactly. But other than that it's really cool.

**kev ferrara** · May 10th, 2009, 10:02 PM

I love this!

One crit: The last two panels seem to be getting a little sloppy and it is hard to see what is happening.

Fun!
kev

**Vaejoun** · May 11th, 2009, 02:44 AM

@angleworm:
You are right, its really a little to sudden. I overworked page 5 and added love into the picture, just to introduce her a little earlier.

@kev ferrara
Thanks.
Well the sketches are always a little sloppy, especially the later ones. XD

Like I said, heres a WIP picture of page 5. Just to give a feeling in which direction it is going now.

**Sidharth Chaturvedi** · May 11th, 2009, 03:20 AM

Pretty much echoing what everyone else said here, but I think the first 3 pages here are gorgeous! The last 3 seem to pack a bit less punch by comparison, but it looks like you're still working on them, so can't wait to see how they turn out. And yeah, the text really isn't doing these justice and all, I'd almost expect a handwritten look.

**Tangleworm** · May 12th, 2009, 09:29 PM

The frame with Love edited in is going the right way. She still looks just a tad put-on, though, since that part of the page looks like it's a mini-page of its own. I know a lot of work must've been put into it, so it's a tall order to suggest a reconstruction...but perhaps the scene could be set up so Love comes in and sees them playing there, and that's how they meet? Anything to give context to their meeting.

**Vaejoun** · May 18th, 2009, 03:46 AM

UPDATE:
Here is what it looks so far.

**Tangleworm** · May 18th, 2009, 02:41 PM

Well done. The tongue on page 4 looks a little bit wacky for some reason and Love's arm on the last page is a tad short-looking, but overall this is wonderfully done.