What made you depressed today?

[OldJake666]

I deleted this because it's years old, irrelevant, and slightly embarrassing.

Anyway, list what has made you depressed.

[Craig D]

Jake

One thing to try and remember is this will all change in a few years. Your life then will not be as it is now.
But you also have to want to make positive changes in your life and work towards them.

And if it gets really shitty, go see a counselor/psychologist or whatever. It's what they do for a living and they can help.

[FourTonMantis]

The most prominent element is my lack of all social support. I have no friends, for reasons unknown, and I have never, nor could I ever in my immediate life, have any sort of romantic relationship (for which I so painfully long...) I don't understand why I do not have friends, and that is where the immense unfairness comes to play. I consider myself to be nice, intelligent, unique, funny (though that depends on your sense of humor and what mood I am in), and in a few certain areas talented. In the past 5 years or so I have committed no intentional harm towards another person (physical or emotional) and yet I am constantly hurt by others (most often those who are "closest" to me.)


Being completely honest, I must say that I have noticed a lot of your posts here have had to do with how much you hate the people you go to school with. Do you think that might have something to do with the fact that you have no friends? I know just how you feel Jake, I really do. This was a huge problem for me especially in middle school. By the time I got to high school, I realized that there are friends to be had from all social circles and areas of life. The only real way to remedy your problem is to reach out and force yourself to make friends. I know it's tough. It seems awkward at first. But like art, with practice, it becomes extremely second nature. I was never one to initiate conversation when I was younger. Now I talk far too much. :)

I'll be praying for you.

[Randis]

you need some sun and fresh air. GTFO and start jogging.
Sitting home all day without moving much your internal organs don’t get enough blood, of course you start getting depressed and down. That’s a number 1 syndrome.
You have to start changing your lifestyle because that is the origin of your depressions.
You might develop anxiety disorder or panic disorder some day. If you have this kind of symptoms
or if you feel very uneasy going out in public, looking strangers in the eye, you need to see a psychologist.
They have medication, antidepressants and they will help you to find the roots of your problem.
You need to move your ass, go out and make new friends. Go party. Do SPORTS, start running every day (you can run across your house if you are too shy to run outsie) you will see results after 1-2 weeks already.
Having depressions is usually a way of your body telling you that something is wrong, it often is a physical problem, too less movement, too less vitamins, dehydration, stress, going to bed much too late, lack of sun.

Get your shit together.


It does not take a scientist to tell you have depressions; a quick look at your painting is enough.
You sound almost suicidal.
It’s good that you posted, I hope someone can talk some sense into you.

[Muz]

And the number one thing.... TAKE RISKS!

It sounds obvious but taking big risks will more often than not result in something good :). Its only when i started doing that did i start to get a lot happier :).

(dont take stupid risks though, you still need to live life intelligently)

[s.ketch]

Well I have you as a friend on facebook and I see some of your status updates. I'm pretty jealous you're in San Fran. So that's something to be psyched about. It seems like a pretty cool place. You're about to or went to Coro's art show, another thing to be very happy about. That's two things right there about your life that are cool, at least in my opinion.

Making and keeping friends can be work sometimes. You may be a great person but it doesn't really matter if nobody can see it. You have to show people what you have to offer them, your friendship, humor, culture, etc. I don't really know what you do outside of school, but just go and talk to people. Even someone at a bus stop or something. Strike up a conversation about anything. I know it may seem silly to talk about meaningless things but it's the interaction that counts.

High school is complex, but it's over in a blink of an eye. There are good kids there, you just have to find them. They just might not be what you expect at first.

If you want to talk to a girl, just go up to her and compliment her shoes. That gives you a reason to talk, captures her interest, and you don't use any cheesy lines. Not saying that all girls care about is shoes, it's just an easy ice-breaker.

[Maidith]

Seconding what Randis said.

Exercise and take care of your body!

Not only will that make you physically healthier, it'll also make you happier and more confident = nicer to be around = more friends!

And as for romantic relationships, these often start by simply making friends.

[Irishdrunk]

First of all, it's a great thread idea. With a kickass start!

It's better to rant to the internet than pour yourself out to a counselor, which they'll probably take too seriously. (Unless you have a huge depression problem)

You can take little baby steps to try and solve problems in your life, or you can go out and get a mutha' fuckin' revelation! Do something stupid, go to an extreme, combat your worst head-on, and try to live afterwards :P And then depression about little things like friends, love, family, can't touch ya.

What made me lil depressed today...My sister misplaced $180, and blamed me. I almost felt guilty enough to give it back to her.

edit: http://conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=81690

[TASmith]

You know what's depressing me? My hernia's acting up again... It felt a little funny last time I went bicycling, but this morning it's really tender and painful. I had surgury what last April? and I'm hardly doing anything to upset it. Hardly any heavy lifting, and if I can't at least bicycle... I've been a wuss all my life and I've always promised myself to finally exercise and get stronger. I'd hate to be limited by this stupid hernia, forever...

If only my brother hadn't kicked me when I was four. That's when I first got it. :P

[Slash]

I have to third randis' advice. Apart from the therapists and drugs, you probably won't need any of that. I used to be overweight, long haired with worn pants and band shirts. Luckily for me i still managed to keep a close circle of friends. But no matter how you look at it, looking a certain way will always make people see you in a different way before they speak to you, no matter what kind of person you might be.

Exercise is a lifesaver. And a lifechanger. What randis says is true, a healthy mind requires a healthy body. And if you're looking for relationships, a healthy body certainly won't hurt. And its not just the "chicks don't like fat" thing, but being healthy makes you radiate a different kind of energy that people pick up on. Oh, and people ARE shallow. Every last one of us. We like healthy looking bodies, its not a choice, its not about being shallow, and its not about "not caring about the beautiful inner part of a person".

I used to be overweight, long haired and shabbily dressed. I didn't care about grooming too much either. Its not really a coincidence that my luck with the ladies wasn't the greatest. If you want my advice from personal experience, hit the gym, eat healthy, groom and get a haircut. I know that the knee-jerk reaction to the last part would be giving up your identity, sense of belonging to a sub-culture, selling out, mainstreaming, conforming etc etc. But you won't stop liking your music. Your personality won't change. Its hair. protein filaments growing out of your scalp. And if you want it back, it will grow back. There's no need to shout your musical tastes to the world, in the end its a personal thing. Long hair can also bring with it a certain amount of androgyny, and thats not gonna get the chicks' juices flowing - so to speak.

But yeah, bottom line: get some exercise. It will make you hotter, it will give you more energy to paint, play bass or chase skirts. It will make you less depressed, maybe rid you of depression altogether. It will also give you confidence, which helps the positive cycle spiraling upwards.

PS: Hating people is quite useless. It only narrows down your potential relationships with people severely. And don't forget to consider what other people might think, having a certain stance might make you blind to a lot of things. For example, if you see a girl in a pink skirt with bleached hair in science class trying to figure out how to work a computer with the biggest durrface, i bet you already judged her and locked yourself from getting to know someone potentially awesome. And on the flipside, when she sees you she's probably just gonna see a chubby metalhead and judge you accordingly, no matter what sort of wonderful things you might have to offer. You are in school right? People your age are usually very confused, with a need to belong, most haven't even really started finding their identity yet. One of my friends used to be a jock, is a semi professional bodybuilder and likes spraytan. If i had judged him on that i'd miss out on a really funny friend who is a linux geek, very intelligent and interesting.

Bleh, i hate sounding preachy. I just speak from my own experience, take it or leave it.

PPS: Don't waste your lucid dreams on substituting real world relationships. You can have that in the real world! (no really, you CAN.) If anything that'll turn you into a freak. :P Spend your lucid dreams slaying dragons, playing poker with attilla the hun or visiting mars, then you'll have something awesome to talk to girls about, instead of being awkward because you boned her in your dreams last night.

Oh, btw, there's always something to be depressed about if you choose to. The trick is to see the bigger picture and see which things REALLY matter. I don't see the point in these kind of threads. People get depressed over the silliest of things, and most of them are within their grasp to change. And even when things are out of your hands, focusing on all the negatives and how much your life sucks because of it is rarely gonna help. I hesitated to share this cuz i don't like whining and i don't want to sound like i'm digging for sympathy but i'll edit it in just to make a point; I have two herniated disks in my spine. They pinch the nerves going down my legs, and cause great pain. It keeps me from doing a lot of things a normal person can do. And since i had a herniated disc in the same spot, and got surgery for it when i was fifteen, the doctors can't operate on me again unless its an extreme emergency, because the accumulated scar tissue might do as much damage as the herniated discs do in the first place. Its probably only gonna get worse as i get older, and on top of the pain i might lose bowel- and watercontrol and other downstairs functions that no man would want to be without. But do i mope about it and let it depress me? FUCK NO! That wouldn't change a thing, and on top of everything else I'd be miserable. fuck that. Because of my back i have also developed sleep problems, which has made it difficult to keep a 9-5 schedule and job. No biggie, i'll work freelance. My girlfriend also had to leave the country for a month and a half yesterday. It sucks balls, but moping about it won't make her come back faster. I'll just look ahead and focus on other things. I'm happy, I have great friends and a wonderful girl, i get to work with what i love, and there's lots of adventure in the horizon. Life truly is great!

[OldJake666]

Thanks Slash... hahaha

The part that really makes the most depressed is that I've DONE ALL OF THIS SHIT. I've been through a lot of therapy, I've taken meds, whatever. (That's the psychological stuff) I've lost about 40 pounds, I talk to more people than ever before, etc. (that's the socio-physical crap) And yet, in all of this, I've made utterly no progress... I have LESS friends than when I was first feeling depressed years ago and made a stance to change it.

My hair is actually quite well taken care of. I have "girl's hair" not "metalhead hair" hahaha. I don't know why everyone tells me to cut my hair, the ONE fucking thing I like about my physical self!

p.s. Slash, I don't "bone" girls in my lucid dream. I just can't stoop down to that, it'd be too awkward. Plus... you... er... wake up as soon as... er... not that... er... I'd know first hand... or anything...

[AlexEh]

I've been there. I really have.

Bobby Chiu got me rocking <3
THE CHIUSTER!!!! :mod:

Everythings been said that I would of said, I'm glad you posted this instead of keeping it to your self. Comeon man! Get it together!

[Ivory_Oasis]

Friends and romantic relationships do not a happy life make...

Other people are nice toppings to the icecream of life, but they aren't needed to enjoy the life-cream for its creamy goodness.

Find goals! Work towards goals! Be a complete person and fix whatever is wrong with your life!

Stop worrying so much what other people think of you and just chat with whoever is next to you (not because you want some long meaning relationship, but simply because you are bored and feel like chatting). Say something completely stupid and then just smile...basically, have fun!

If you really want friends, just start talking to someone....chances are they want friends too (or want more friends).

Life isn't so serious...loosen up and you will enjoy it a lot more (because people will respond to that and your enjoyment of life will spread to those around you...drawing people towards you and making you even more successful).

Oh yea, and exercise is good too....simply because it sucks to be out of shape and makes you feel better / more energetic when you get a little movement in your diet.

[OldJake666]

I'm considering asking a mod to delete this thread... it's very embarrassing. I should have gone by another moniker to post it.

[Ryan K]

Perhaps realize that your happiness/mood should not be dependent on people and the relationships (you want) with them. Both of those have immense possibilities of letting you down.

If someone can accomplish happiness alone, I think their personality could radiate towards others as being a more approachable person.

[Slash]

My jedi senses are telling me that you're seeing this from the wrong angle. If you're telling me that you lost 40 pounds and still convince yourself that there has been no progress at all then there's something weird going on. Cuz losing 40 pounds is a positive change. I'm not a big fan of therapy and medication myself, it just helps cement the notion that there's something wrong with you and that things are out of your hands. It sounds to me like you're only focusing on the bad, not letting the good stuff cheer you up. The fact that you have less friends now might be totally random. Or you might be scaring people away with your skulls. Or you might have terrible breath without knowing it. Or your interests might be too obscure for anyone to relate to, and thus not making you very approachable. Would you want to be friends with someone who swore to techno and loved the club scene? I don't know.. Its highschool for pete's sake, like someone mentioned before, it will be over in the blink of an eye, and what goes on there won't matter as soon as you step out of those gates. Keep making positive changes and work on yourself, then people will notice. Don't try really hard to make friends, that usually only results in awkwardness and trying too hard-ness. Work on yourself, focus on what you want to change, follow your passions. Be friendly and positive and people will notice. Lose another 40 pounds, level up your art, play that guitar. Keep doing on the things that makes you happy, and don't sit around brooding over not having any friends. Talk to strangers. Join sketchgroups. Count the ups, not the downs. Start making positive changes for yourself, not to please others. The others will follow.

Gah i'm gonna make myself puke. I sound like a fuzzy happy self-help guru. At least i'm not telling you to embrace Jesus. ;)

PS: DON'T WHINE! There's no bigger turnoff than whining, both when it comes to relationships and friendships. If you talk to a person that does nothing but whine about how awful everythign is, you're not gonna want to have that person as your friend. I knew a guy with similar problems to yours, i told him to stop fucking telling the story about his brother's suicide everytime he talked to someone new. Lo and behold, he blossomed like a social butterfly. :P (I'm not saying you're a whiner, i don't know how you are in person. Take this as general advice.)

PPS: i was halfway joking about the "boning her" comment earlier. Boning, holding hands, frolicking gaily in the meadows, it doesn't matter. The point is that it makes things awkward, will make you more and more detached from the real world, and is a real fucking waste of lucid dreams since you can have all that in real life.

Also, note my edit in my previous post.

//EDIT: If you make a mod delete the thread i'll find you and kick you in the nuts! I just spent an hour of my painting time playing self-help guru for your benefit!

//EDIT2:



My hair is actually quite well taken care of. I have "girl's hair" not "metalhead hair" hahaha. I don't know why everyone tells me to cut my hair, the ONE fucking thing I like about my physical self!

Trust me, i know how you feel. But if everyone tells you to do it, maybe there's something to it? :P If your hair is the only thing you like about your physical self you need to start changing yourself in ways that will make you love more of yourself. You know the song, "how can he be loved who doesn't love himself?" You're not gonna wanna buy tomatoes from a guy who acts and speaks as if he hates his tomatoes. But back to the hair.. it was my pride and joy. But fucking useless, and i look ten times better without it. It had just become such a large part of my identity that i felt changing it would be like amputating a limb. But at the end of the day its just fucking hair.

But by all means, if it makes you happy, KEEP IT! One of my favorite things about having long hair was that i stood out. I didn't blend with the crowd. I could bang that shit like crazy at concerts. I'm all for individuality. All i'm saying is that your hairstyle isn't really part of who you are as a person. And if its getting between you and what you want, you might want to consider a change. Again, big picture, focus on what really matters to YOU.

[Randis]

Dude, the thing is... Who wants to be a friend with someone who is depressed and down and fails to love himself for what he is?

Nothing will help if you do not accept yourself. Dont be skin deep, there is more to life than physical appearance, it does not matter how you look like, how you dress or what haircut you have. Its all about charm and character. Some of my friends are ugly as fuck and i love em. Hell, some of th most interesting people i ever met look kinda scary and spooky.



You need to cheer up and move your ass. a healthy body goes hand in hand with a healthy mind.

How hard can it be to find some friends????? Don't you have any hobbies? Just look out for people with same interests.



Thanks Slash... hahaha

The part that really makes the most depressed is that I've DONE ALL OF THIS SHIT. I've been through a lot of therapy, I've taken meds, whatever. (That's the psychological stuff) I've lost about 40 pounds, I talk to more people than ever before, etc. (that's the socio-physical crap) And yet, in all of this, I've made utterly no progress... I have LESS friends than when I was first feeling depressed years ago and made a stance to change it.

My hair is actually quite well taken care of. I have "girl's hair" not "metalhead hair" hahaha. I don't know why everyone tells me to cut my hair, the ONE fucking thing I like about my physical self!

p.s. Slash, I don't "bone" girls in my lucid dream. I just can't stoop down to that, it'd be too awkward. Plus... you... er... wake up as soon as... er... not that... er... I'd know first hand... or anything...

[Keeviin]

Are you a teenager? Because if you are, these "problems" will be gone in a few years, and you will laugh at your former self - or forget that you ever were a teenager altogether, like the rest of us.

However, if you are already in your twenties or above, I suggest you seek professional help.

[Muz]

Is it any consolation if I tell you that reading this thread makes me happy with how my life has been going lately?

[cdejong]

Even though you said you lost 40 pounds and it didn't help, I still think you should try and go out running again. Running or even biking will get your blood moving and your mind off of things, on top of that it releases good hormones that will make you happier and feeling better. Running is one of the best medications out there for sadness and depression, and I've used it many times to get me out of a rut.

You also should take advantage of your situation, man. You are in San Francisco! You love art obviously, why don't you go outside on the weekends, walk around, bring a sketchbook, go to cafes and draw people. It's good to be outside, it will once again keep your mind off of things, and it will give you confidence. Join the San Francisco sketchgroup, find people through conceptart.org to meet up with and draw. You can make friends this way, and you seem like a nice enough guy and a pretty talented artist that I can't imagine you'd have too much trouble finding someone.

Doing those two things, you will see immediate changes in your feelings about yourself and your life. Friends will come with these things and your increased confidence. You'll start making friends whether you like it or not. High school can be a really rough time, or it can be fun. Most of how it turns out comes down to how you can spin your life for yourself. Take control of the situation and turn your life around for the better.

Good luck man.

[Nrx]

/edit said what i wanted to say, dosnt need to be 'immortalised'

[Brushcommander]

B-but you can be beautiful with long hair too, right?
Right? >:

This thread made me depressed >:

[Baron Impossible]

Mathilda: Is life always this hard, or is it just when you're a kid?
Leon: (pause) Always like this

[Hyskoa]

Being depressed is not awesome, stop being depressed and start being awesome. True story.

[hippl5]

I'm considering asking a mod to delete this thread... it's very embarrassing. I should have gone by another moniker to post it.

I don't see why, It's an interesting read. I feel the same way. Difference is, you actually have the balls to post it in the lounge.

[B u r l]

self pity is a terrible habit to fall into and nobody can help you but yourself. so i just wish you the best and hope you can get the strength to pull yourself out.

also as far as weight loss is concerned: (the pics are actually in reverse for lulz). he went from a fat tub of lard to eh pretty cool guy who doesnt afraid wow

http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/5241/32026714988b33e28600o.jpg

[hunchback]

my tip for the whole talking to girls thing isssss..

dont try so hard ...O_O
Why do you want a relationship so bad.?
In all honesty i am the loner of my group of friends, i dont think ive ever hit on a girl. I just talk to people. To me its like like looking for something. I try to find something, but cant. And then a little while later it just appears.

just focus on what you want to do. Go chill with some people. Draw some hobbos, lick coro. And pop!! someone might just jump into your life.

: D if that made any sense. And make sure she doesnt have a boyfriend O_O it may look like a monkey....

[Jason Rainville]

I know you don't want to hear anything like "oooh jake I know exactly what it's like I'm just like youuuu" because that's a bunch of shit, every life is different and I don't know all the details of your existence.

We are fairly similar though: fairly socially incompetent, usually don't like our general direction in life blah blablah blablah...

the difference is I said "fuck it" a long time time ago.

XBb5v1sJhuU

Now it's not as if I'm some inspiring turnaround story (I'm not) but I try not to worry about shit like this anymore, and it's helped me focus. I do what I want. I make art, I do what I think is fun, and fuck it if people don't like it. Also unlike you, to many other people I seem pretty well adjusted. I'm friendly and funny in public, if I fall down I laugh. I make fun of myself when I fuck up; it's the only thing you can do in those situations :) Socially anxious and incompetent little me was also the speaker for my class, and everyone knew me as a pretty damn good public speaker. This "false confidence" never really developed to the point where it could become real confidence, but it can. It's a stepping stone if you can talk to people, seem open and friendly and sound like you know what you're talking about.

So my advice.... just be personable when you're around people. It's extremely hard for me still to get to know anyone on any sort of personal level (for example I never accepted invites to parties, even though they were coming at me. I even declined spending time with an art girl who was asking me to do something on a weekend, that's how socially retarded I am) but it really is the easiest thing in the world to say hi, or make a random observation about something, or smile, or to laugh at yourself when you do something stupid. It is easy. Just do that when you're around folks.

Funny enough highschool was pretty much the only time I made friends in my young adult life. I have a few lasting friends, some "cool" some not so cool.

This past monday I watched my neighbor die. My dad and I ran over as his wife called us, screaming into the phone. After we got him off his chair and on the floor dad gave him cpr for a good 10 minutes (he's a firefighter) before I flagged the ambulance and hurriedly got the wife's car out of the driveway. Even though they said my dad kept him alive, after 4 defibs and bringing him to hospital they couldn't get anything out of his weak pulse. He was a well respected deacon, an all around good guy and the church was absolutely packed for his funeral.

He was having a regular everyday mundane meal with his wife, the last person he saw, before he had his fatal heart attack.

That's a fucking wake up call, seeing a good man die. Now I'm not going to hit up all the clubs (well, there are none in the boonies here) and fuck everything in sight because death has me scared out of my soiled underwear, but I know now that I can't waste time regretting shit. Life's too short to be mad or sad. If I pass up a great opportunity? Fuck it I can't regret it. Just work towards the next one, and have fun along the way.
-------------

So now that I've done the guilt trip/scare thing, now's time for the pep talk;

Jake, you're an interesting guy. You had your stuff in... was it imagine fx? Or some cool mag lately? You go to concerts right? You make weird, cool art that a shit ton of people can only dream of making, you love music and know a lot about the stuff you listen to. I haven't done any of that, and I never go to concerts or really any social thing. Most people haven't done any of that. You've got a lot of cool things to talk about, and you keep on doing neat stuff.

Talk to someone. they ask "so what do you do?" you tell them or show them what you do, then watch as they shit themselves when they realize they're talking to a guy who does all sorts of art for bands, goes to concerts and stuff. You're more interesting than half the people on earth who go to work, go home, go out drinking and then go home again. Ask some girl to a concert. If she says no, then you haven't lost a damn thing. If she says yes, but the date sucks and you never see her again, well shit that's experience for the next time.

Don't think that if it does somehow work out, you're set for life because you have a girlfriends or friends. Shit changes, good lives get fucked up. You're getting yourself all worked up over a dream that doesn't exist; no one meets their highschool sweetheart and stays with them their entire lives, has millions of friends an no enemies and eats icecream until they die at age 94. Everyone has times that suck and times that are good. Everyone fucks up and misses opportunities. Just say "fuck it" and go with the flow. Stop worrying and learn to laugh at yourself.

I tell people about times when I've completely fucked up socially (did I ever tell you about the time I said "good luck finding them" to a classmate that said they'd rip my balls off?) with a smile and a laugh, because it's so akward it's funny. It shows confidence that you're secure enough to acknowledge your failings and brush them aside with humour.

I don't know how to make a big ending or wrap this up, bu I'm getting dizzy because I'm hungry so I'll just let you know that while my life is still pretty shitty and I'v got a lot of work to do, my delicious lunch is going to make me infinitely happy :)

[Dizon]

You live in Art city, man. Go out and attend events or go meet up with your artist friends and sketch outside. You just need some company.

[Jabo]

Read your posts, looked at your blog. In order of how much you yourself think you're fucked up:

1. Get out and play (like 90% of the folks here suggest)
2. Sports man, really.
3. If that doesn't help: Go see a psychologist (and mean it)
4. If that's not how it works: Go see a self-help group

Not saying anything against the whole "Chin up" mentality around here, which works for most people, but if you suffer from major depression, all the chin-up in the world won't help you. I'm almost 10 years older than you are and I can tell you that I could have dodged some very ill situations and thoughts had I seen professional help earlier and more regularly. Seeing your age makes me think it might be a phase. But still, being without social contact is a severe situation to be in and it's harmful. So rule #1 and #2 apply in any case (really everything Randis said about movement is right, listen to him).

I'm from a family prone to depression and worries, I was raised with it, so to speak. All around my family history, I'm hearing of worries, one tragic suicide just two months ago. The important thing to consider tho is that it is not just the genes, but the surrounding people in general. That's why people tell you to be more positive about things. If you surround yourself with people and things that are good and cheer you up (not in the thread-sense of the word), you'll advance.

Oh, and get a haircut. I mean it. There's more behind this suggestion than you might think there is and most of it is not about haircuts.

Life has to be learned. No one knows how to do it without the lessons. The one thing you can't do is play truant.

Hope you'll be alright. And don't worry about the thread, it's fine.

[Derek the Usurper]

Stop listening to Opeth, and start listening to Manowar.

[kelly x]

Jake Kobrin, I'm sorry your depressed, everyone is different and we all have our triggers that could make us feel bad or depressed. I was depressed for about 2 years and would basically sleep to escape my reality. I went to a quack shrink in my opinion who said all kinds of things that didn't help at all until one day she said, "why don't you fake it until you make it", it was a simple suggestion that I was able to use. I made myself do the opposite of everything I was doing which was nothing and basically pretended to be having a good time, eventually actually did feel better, that was about ten years ago. Also surrounding yourself with more positive people and things could help. Make yourself better, your the key. Your a great guy! Don't delete the post.

[TASmith]

Okay, some of you may be surprised to hear this, or think it disingenuous, but I actually think some advice from Jack Handey would be helpful here - Jake, you've got too many voices of worry and doubt in your head. You need to stop listening to them:
The Voices In My Head
By Jack Handey

I never know when the voices in my head are going to start talking to me. I might be coming out of my apartment and I’ll look up at the clouds. Suddenly, the voices in my head will tell me to go back inside and get an umbrella, because it might rain. Sometimes I’ll obey the voices and go get the umbrella. But sometimes I muster my strength and refuse to get the umbrella. Still, the voices don’t let you forget that you disobeyed them, especially if it rains. They’ll say, “I knew you should have gotten the umbrella. Why didn’t you?”

I don’t expect you to understand what it’s like to have voices in your head telling you what to do. But it is a nightmare I live with all the time. Right now, for instance, the voices are telling me to go back and change the word “nightmare” to “living hell.”

The voices torment me from the time I wake up. They’ll say, “Get up and go to the bathroom to urinate.” Throughout the day, they never let up: “Go get something to eat,” “Go take a nap,” “Go to the bathroom again,” “Get ready for bed.” On and on. Sometimes the voices even talk to me in my sleep, telling me to get up and urinate. My fear is that the voices will tell me to do something crazy, like go look for a job.

I used to think that drinking alcohol would calm the voices, but it usually makes them worse. They’ll say things like “Go tell that person what you really think of him” or “Get up on that table and do your funny cowboy dance.”

The voices used to talk to me about the Beatles. When I was young, they’d tell me to go buy a certain Beatles album. “But I don’t have any money,” I’d say. Then the voices would suggest I mow some lawns to earn some money. “But that’s a lot of work,” I’d say. “Well,” the voices would say, “do you want the album or not?” (Wait. That might have been my father.)

Sometimes I go for relatively long periods without the voices talking to me, such as when I’m watching TV, or watching ants, or lying on the floor and trying to blow lint balls into one big herd of lint. Or seeing which one of my cats is most afraid of “pillowcase head.” But these golden moments are fleeting, and soon the voices return.

I just wish the voices would tell me something useful once in a while, like how to say things in French or where my gloves went. But they hardly ever do. In fact, many times the voices like to taunt me, telling me, for instance, to turn left at an intersection when, it turns out later, I clearly should have turned right. Or telling me to wear a tie that obviously looks ridiculous.

Even worse, sometimes the voices themselves don’t know what they want. They’ll tell me to go up an talk to a pretty woman, then they’ll say, “No, wait, she’s too pretty for you,” then they’ll say, “Oh, go ahead,” then they’ll say, “What if your wife finds out?” (Man, make up your mind!)

When you tell people you have voices in your head, they think you’re crazy. But when you don’t say anything at all, and you just sit there and stare at them, they also think you’re crazy. So you can’t win.

I thought about going to a psychiatrist to get rid of the voices, but the voices said it would be expensive, and would probably take a long time, and that I’d have to put my pants on and go to the subway, then come all the way back on the subway, then take my pants off, and who knows if it would even work? Sometimes the voices have a point.

One day, I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore, and I decided to silence the voices in my head once and for all. But I couldn’t figure out how to do that, so I never did.

Maybe the answer is not to try to get rid of the voices but to learn to live with them. (I don’t really think that; I’m just saying it for the voices.)

Will I ever be able to fully control the voices in my head? Probably not. But will I at least be able to adjust my life style so that the voices are not a threat to me or others? Again, the answer is no.

But I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet, because one thing I’ve learned is this: the voices may be bossy, but they’re really stupid.

[Jason Rainville]

I'll add my token depression: I'm in the middle of paining something but then I stepped back and realized that I still have really tacky rendering and it wasn't as good as I thought it was, and it'll be hard to finish :(

[shamandalie]

Hey dude, I just wanna say that most folks here gave really good advice. Right now, you might just be in a phase but who knows? All I can say is that always try to see the good in everything, no matter how bad the situation is.

Look closely around you, you think you might have no friends, but I’m pretty sure there’s at least one person out there that you talk to. They are your friends. Online friends here can become real friends too, if you take the effort to meet people. I have personally met a few and I’m really happy that I did.
Always remember that 1 good friend is better than 50 acquaintances “friends”. I see people having a lot of “friends” and then still feel lonely and stuff.

And for love, I don’t know, but I feel that you might be a little young? There’s still a whole lot of time, and many of the people I knew who got together when we were younger, well their relationships did not last, probably due to the fact that we are not mature enough to handle certain situations. It’s better to find to take your time to find the right person, and usually they are right in front of your faces when you are not looking. (in my case anyway.) :P

Honestly, I’m kinda socially awkward in real life too. (zalxemptyx knows that better than anyone.) :P Was a loner in secondary school and the only friends I have are people who actually played FFIX and a famous girl in class who took pity of me.
But now he said to me that I’m loud when I’m with people I know, and other see me that way, so I’m seem kinda friendly to them, and usually they’re the ones who start talking. There may be some awkward moments but sometimes I really try my best to get myself to talk to others. Sometimes it’s funny that I can talk to a class of 40 students, but I get terrified talking to a recruiter from an awesome company. It’s a constant struggle, but I have to say that I’m getting better at talking to people.

And if you want to keep the hair, honestly it’s up to you. I feel that if you change your mindset and attitude, people can sense it and you will naturally feel better of yourself, with hair or not. (this is kind of weird for me to say since I shaved a week ago. D: )

Whatever it is - socialising,art,love - always tell yourself that you can pick yourself up again. It’s never over with anything you tried and failed.

Failure is just delay, not defeat.

[SMILEFACE]

HAHA IT MAY SEEM DEPRESSING BUT MY BEST FRIEND IS MY DEPRESSION MY SELF LOATHING I USED TO DRINK ALOT AN STARTED WHEN I WAS 12 I SMOKED WEED FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I WAS 9 CIGARETTES WHEN I WAS 7 BEFORE I NEW WHAT DRUGS WHERE I WAS RUNNING BAGS DOWN THE STREET I STOLE CARS I BEAT PEOPLE UP I GOT BEAT UP I USED TO STEAL FOOD BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY I LIVED ON MY OWN WHEN I WAS 16 I QUIT SCHOOL AN GOT A JOB IVE BEEN TAZED AN MACED AN KNOCKED OUT COPS ON SEVERAL OCCATIONS I GOT HERPIES FROM A 26 YR'OLD WOMAN WHEN I WAS FIFTEEN I HAVE NOT BEEN IN A RELATION SHIP SINCE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID I GOT TO GO TO YOSEMITE WITH MY GRAND PARENTS I WAS ALWAYS TREATED WITH LOVE BY MY MOM WHO HAS STOLLEN FROM ME COUNTLESS TIMES I SAVED THREE PEOPLES LIVES I HAVE HELPED MANY PEOPLE RADOMLY ON THE STREET I HAVE HURT MANY PEOPLE TO ENDS I DO NOT KNOW I NEVER STUDY IN SCHOOL BUT GOT GOOD GRADES I TRIED TO PUT MY SELF IN SITUATIONS THAT WOULD GET ME KILLED I TRIED TO CHOP MY ARM OFF WITH A BUTCHERKNIFE BUT I COULDNT GET THROUGH THE BONE ON A DRUNK'N DARE I NEVER MET MY DAD I HAD AN AWSOME STEPDAD FER 3 YRS THAT STILL WANTS TO BE APART OF MY LIFE I BARRICADED MYSELF IN A TERRIBLE JOB HOPING I WOULD JUST DISAPPEAR MY MOM ALMOST DIED TWICE THIS PAST YEAR NEEDED EMERGENCY SURGERY SHE HAD TO MOVE IN WITH ME MULTIPLE TIMES I GOT EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH TWICE OUTA 900 IN 5 YRS AN GOT LAID OFF THE NEXT MONTH I CASHED IN MY RETIREMENT I PAID HER BILL I HAVE NO MONEY BUT I MAKE A DECENT WAGE I HAVE THREE FRIENDS I DONT TALK TO I HAVE 2 AN A HALF YRS SOBER I HAVE ALL THE AWESOME FRIENDS I MET ON CA I HAVE GOALS I HAVE FEAR OF SUCCESS I OFTEN FEAR PEOPLE WILL LIKE ME IF I TOLD A WOMAN OF MY STD AN SHE WOULD EXCEPT ME THEN I WOULD BE GIVING IT TO SOMEONE I CARED ABOUT I ONLY HOLD PEOPLE BACK THEY WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY INSANITY I AM CRAZYER WHEN IM NOT ON DRUGS I AM DIRTY I HAVE LONG FINGERNAILS AN TOE NAILS THAT ARE JAGGED MY SKIN IS STAINED WITH METAL I HAVE MY DOG WHICH WAS MY MOMS THAT SHE ABANDONED AT MY HOUSE THAT IS MY LITTLE BROTHER SHE LEFT HIM TWICE AN THEN TOKE HIM BACK I USED TO GET BEAT UP IN SCHOOL BECAUSE I WOULDNT ALLOW MY FRIENDS TO BE PICKED ON I HONESTLY THINK I KNOW EVERYTHING I CANT SHUT MY SELF UP AN SOMETIMES I DONT TALK AT ALL I CAN TYPE THIS FOREVER BUT IM GUNNA GO WATCH THAT ZOMBIE LAND MOVIE INSTEAD IT MAY SOUND SILLY BUT MY DEPRESSION IS MY BEST FRIEND IT HELPS GIVE ME SOMETHING TO PUT MY HAPPINESS INTO PERSPECTIVE THIS FOR ME IS THE BEAUTY AN GIFT OF LIFE ''HANG IN THERE KITTY'' AS FOR COMPLETE SENTENCES i donot wish to be rude but i never paid attention to grammer but i thought creative writing was cool

[Jovian M]

In my short 17 years of life, I've gone through some pretty fucked up shit that I'd rather not share with CA.org at this time. I manage to stay happy.

I'm probably just going to end up re-hashing a lot of what everyone else has said, but whatever. Whenever you get feeling down, balance that shit out with something good.

"Darn, I can't get a lady. Wait, I'm fucking awesome at painting."

"Dang, I'm a little pudgy. Oh, who cares, I'm a fucking killer with a bass."

And consider that anything bad you can think of can be reversed, with some work.

I don't understand how you don't have any friends. Everyone has friends. Acquaintances, at least. Maybe people just don't see the real Jake? How do you act at school? When you're looking to make friends, don't think about looking for people with similar interests. Most of my friends are into hip hop, rap, r & b, etc. (whatever kids are listening to, these days). None of them draw or paint. Most of my friends are nothing like me, but that doesn't even matter. We still have a good time watching movies, or playing video games, or just even walking around.

I'm overweight, I've got long hair (well groomed, may I add), I wear a lot of black, but I'd venture to say I could easily make friends with most anyone in my school. And I have, to some degree, at some point in the last 5 years, had positive social interactions with most of my age-group.

I may not be getting a whole lot of ladies right now, but I'm not very concerned with that. I'm 17 years old. I've got a lot of time to find me a mate, I think. And I don't look at the short term very much. It's quite unlikely that I'm going to marry some girl that I dated in high school.

Regardless, I wish you all the best, Mr. Kobrin.


EDIT: Oh, and if you're really having trouble just like.. approaching people, I guess? Get a part time job. Make sure it's somewhere with a lot of younger people working. After a week or two, you'll be getting along with everybody (as long as you're not some giant douche bag to everyone, and don't do your job). It seems like whenever I get a new job, I'm hanging out with a shitton of people that I didn't even know. Since I started working at Tim Horton's, I've been going to parties almost every weekend. Try it out.

[H-M-B]

Grandmassa - I'm sorry to hear about the hardships you have been through. From what I have seen in these forums, though, you have an enthusiastic personality, you are a good person for taking care of your mom, you are optimistic, you are talented, you are funny, you are warm, and - as demonstrated by your contribution to the photo thread - you are very handsome with a great body. Please do not deny the female half of the population your company.

[SalOnimaruRem]

bunch of depress sissys...jk :P hahahaa

i get depress pretty often!! i wish my life was good as you wish yours would be,
but fuck it, life doesn't grant wishes!! you gotta make it happen yourself!
If you have no friends who cares, CA'ers are your friends!! actual friends will come along, I believe so!!
no girlfriend-shit watever i am in no rush to get into relationships!!
things dont go my way, so what?!? I am in no rush to live like a rock star, I'm find at the pace its going!
Shit people think i need therapy! fuck they need therapy for thinking am abnormal! i like the way my personality is :)

I live my life on patience (that may be hard for a lot of people to live by)- things i want will come, no need to rush in getting it :)


EDIT Damn Grandma Spect, sorry that you went through all of that, but i bet you are full of wisdom from all of your experience just like i was with all mine
and this give us meaning in a whole new perspective on life and how we live it :)

[mundanity]

Jake, I have a question:

You said you were once on medications for depression. Are you still on them? The same with therapy. Some people are depressed and get over it after a period of time or treatment and never have it occur to them again. In fact this is the majority of people who have depression, which is why the dropout rate on psyche outpatient waiting lists is so high. Others live with it for their entire life for various reasons, and often go undiagnosed. Some people have cyclic relapses for many reasons even if they're on meds because their bodies adapt and figure out you're trying to trick it into being happy with medication or exercise or whatever. You may fall into one of the more difficult categories and need to not discontinue whatever medications or therapy you find helps you cope with the depression best. And sorry to say, if you are a lifelong sufferer, it is just about coping day-to-day, and not curing.

There seems to be a great misunderstanding in society - and in this thread - about what depression is. Depression isn't "I'm alone and ugly and nobody likes me", because that has some vague connection to reality (the world really does hate people who don't conform to their rigid standards of beauty and social behaviour). Depression is "I know I have a good life and privilege and a social network and loving friends/family and I'm working towards goals and I am socially validated in some way and so on, but I still feel like crying all the time." It isn't a rational, explainable side-effect of having a less-than-perfect life. It's faking it and never making it because there is something inside you that doesn't quite work the way everyone else does. It's not "teenage blues" though many teenagers do experience real depression and have it dismissed and made worse by such beliefs. It's definitely not just self-pity. It's being awesome and still being depressed anyway. The two states of being are not mutually exclusive, and, as the vast pages of the geniuses of history shows us, often occur simultaneously in higher-functioning people with depression (or bipolar &/or BPD which also have strong depressive states).

Which I think, Jake, is why you should be talking to a professional about this, and not people on an art forum on the internet who clearly Do Not Get It. Frankly, if I was in your shoes and reading most of the replies in this thread I would be feeling worse about myself, not better.

[Jabo]

Thanks for saying that, mundanity, had to be said.

[Slash]

Oh, i just remembered something from when i was your age jake. I used to think i was special cuz i was smart. I used to think i had a better understanding of things, and that people who didn't like the same things as me or saw things my way were dumb proles. I used big words, and brooded. I used to scoff at people telling me that i was in a phase. How could they put me in with all of "them", i'm special, my problems are unique! "I know they are trying to help, but this is something different, i'm not some dumbshit teenager!"

Turns out i was a dumbshit teenager after all. :P Kafka and Socrates in the bookshelf, and opeth & dream theatre in my headphones didn't change that. Its just too bad that noone can be told this, you just need to live past it to be able to look back and laugh at your younger self.

I still fall into the trap of believing myself to be of superior intellect, and that my opinion is more worth than others'. Luckily art is doing a good job at keeping me humble, fighting me every step of the way. And since every 3-5 years i have a revelation where i look back my younger self and laugh, i've learned to thread a little more carefully, I know i'll be laughing at myself now in a couple of years.

//Edit: mundanity, while i see where you are coming from, and you're not wrong, i don't think this applies to Jake. I am of course only speaking from personal experience, and the experience of those closest to me. I'm not a professional. But in my opinion, therapy would make things worse at this point. You shouldn't assume people Do Not Get It, or don't know the difference between real depression and teenage blues. I was very much in jake's shoes when i was younger, i see a lot of myself in him. Apart from the no friends bit i was very much in the shoes he's now wearing. They called me clinically depressed, they gave me drugs, and i did the therapy. All that did to me was give me an excuse, putting responsibility out of my hands and convincing me that it was something out of my control. And i really felt that way. I was sad even when i was laughing with my friends. Sad at christmas. It was so bloody unfair that i couldn't get a girlfriend, even tho i was CLEARLY oh so worthy. And it all felt so bloody hopeless. What changed things for me is that i started exercising regularly. I was severely overweight, smoked a lot, didn't really move at all. When i look back, OF COURSE i was depressed. After taking regular long walks every day, things got better and better. I didn't start losing weight until years after that, but the regular exercise helped my depression. Years of therapy and meds didn't fix what breaking a good sweat every day did. I'm not saying meds and therapy is useless, but try getting off your ass a little first and see if that works. Thats what i'm getting at.

[•Lindsay•]

I’m sensing some desperation in your post. If you come across even slightly the same way offline, nobody is going to be interested in you. The greatest topic of interest to people is themselves. All you have to do is show genuine interest in other people, and some other people will show interest in you.

To be blunt, right now you are coming across as someone who views people as possible solutions to your own loneliness. You talk about what you have to offer them, not about what they can offer you. Forget about yourself for a second, what about the people at your school? Do you know anyone interesting and funny?

Maybe there is no one you are interested in from your school, which is understandable. It’s a good thing you’re so into music, because music has plenty of social potential.

For the record I’m not the most social person either, but I did manage to have a group of friends in high school. I’ve found that the most self absorbed I become, the more I worry about my own flaws, the harder it is for me to connect.

I only skimmed the thread, but it seems like everyone is telling you to try harder. It could be the opposite problem, maybe you should try less. You say you have less friends now than you did when you started trying to change yourself... maybe the efforts to change are part of the problem. All of this self-improvement advice you’re getting (losing weight, seeing a shrink) isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but it has the potential to get in your way by making you too worried. I'm not saying it's a bad idea to change, I'm not telling you to "be yourself," but putting too much effort into anything just makes you a nervous wreck. You cannot function socially if you’re too self conscious.

[Noah Bradley]

I think someone already said it, but "fake it till you make it." You're not going to be an awesome person by constantly beating up on yourself. You're going to be an awesome person by first believing that you're an awesome person. People will catch on only after you do.

[alesoun]

Jake, don't regret posting this thread. I bet you somebody, somewhere, is going to read it and feel that they're less alone.

You're the only one who knows how bad things feel; if you're in Desperation Alley, seek professional help. Otherwise, Kelly's "Fake it until you make it" sounds good to me.

Sometimes if you act like you're happy and you expect things to go well, things can improve. You are the only person who can "make" you happy; to expect a friend or girlfriend to do it for you somehow is putting an awful burden on them.

Give it a try, and good luck.

[ChristmasBunneh]

Someone here already said smth that I think can be very true. I can't guarantee anything but "Fake it till you make it." worked for me. About a year ago when I was pretty much exactly your age I was pretty depressed, too. Only that I made myself depressed on purpose thinking that all that I don't give a shit attitude is so cool and rebel. Looking back I think it was sort of just a coping mechanism to shrug off all that BS I thought was surrounding me. Um, yea, I did drugs, smoked, drunk (still do the last two of em), was overly sarcastic in conversations and cold, etc. I though that would attract more "my kind" of crowd but actually they just thought I was silly and the friends I already had started distancing from me. Eventually I started to actually be depressed. The only good thing from those times is a tattoo that I still like a lot.

So one day I went to school and suddenly started being all happy and chattery and stuff. I didn't feel like it tho. But then I noticed my friends were more interested in me again and some of the classmates I loathed before seemed OK to talk to. I became more tolerant of different types of people. Now I actually care about others opinion.

Which brings me to why I'm depressed now. I made myself not care about if before but now it makes me sad. I'm the skinny tall girl type. Been skinny and tall all my life and it bothers me when people say I look too skinny and now I start to get worried myself. When I walk out on the streets people look at me. Usually for one of these reasons: they either think I have a serious eating disorder or I'm a pair of hot long legs to bang. Now it's all genes mostly. I don't starve myself, I eat three meals a day plus some nibblings, I don't count calories nor eat cotton balls soaked in grapejuice, though I naturally tend to like healthy foods. I just hate it how easily I lose weight and how hard work it is for me to gain some. I was recently sick for a week when I ate less than I normally do and I lost 4kg. I'm 1.78 cm and 51 kg is dangerous weight but the only way I gain weight is when I stuff myself all day making myself sick. I few years ago I had to give up dancing because it was too hard to maintain my weight. Now if I could get myself back to 55 kg I'd be happy, 60 is too much to ask. And my mom isn't making things easier picking on me how skinny I am. I blame you, you fucked my dad, he's genes.

[alesoun]

Christmasbunneh, I hear you on the tall and skinny thing. When I was 17 I was 5 foot 10 inches (still am), and I weighed 8 stone (112 lbs). Not sure how that translates to kilograms, but I got sick and tired of people telling me how skinny and tall I was.

A temporary addiction to whipped cream helped me put on a pound or two. ;)

[Ryan K]

Stop listening to Opeth, and start listening to Manowar.

This is good advice. lol.

Music, films, and others tend to effect us more than ourselves. Unfortunately.

[kelly x]

All that "fake it until you make it" meant to me was that if everything in your life is so overwhelming that you have to escape by sleeping as you said to have your happy reality, "girlfriend", all of the things you first posted... if you need to escape by making up an altered reality in order to survive happily? If you do visualize your self as happy, healthy, well adjusted (whatever that is???), in love (if that's what your seeking?) - whatever you want- try to project yourself already cured, happy and not depressed any longer. Think yourself there and you will eventually get there. It takes a long time in order to do this on a regular basis, tell yourself your worthy, beautiful, happy, happy healthy, cool, a great artist... all can happen. If you slip tell yourself to start again.

[LORD M]

I got an exam on thursday and I haven't studied enough for it. :(

[Nrx]

must be about 3 years ago now elwell replied to a thread i was involved in saying "fake it till you make it" my lifes been significantly better since :mod:

follow the advice jake damnit!

[Keeviin]

I got an exam on thursday and I haven't studied enough for it. :(

In that case you should not be full of depression but full of fear and panic... and coffee. No time to sleep, stuff your head wildly with random bits of information ;)

[Ghostbrush]

Jake - you CAN beat this! seriously, the biggest problem is your attitude towards it, you seem like you are beaten already, lets change that attitude dude!

You as a human, as a feeling instrument are a beautiful creature, everyone is, some just mask it behind things that are not important (looks, material possessions), you dont need any barriers or defense against the world dude.

I was in a similar and difficult position, so I changed myself, I cut my hair (not that you have to do that, just helped me to move on), I moved location and started a fresh with no barriers or defense, u know what? never been so happy as I am now, i have met some wonderful new people, my art is improving faster and I am learning more and I met an amazing girl.

Now go kick urself in the ass and tomorrow wake up fresh, change your life dude!

its not over yet :)

All the best

Alex

[OldJake666]

Jake, I have a question:

You said you were once on medications for depression. Are you still on them? The same with therapy. Some people are depressed and get over it after a period of time or treatment and never have it occur to them again. In fact this is the majority of people who have depression, which is why the dropout rate on psyche outpatient waiting lists is so high. Others live with it for their entire life for various reasons, and often go undiagnosed. Some people have cyclic relapses for many reasons even if they're on meds because their bodies adapt and figure out you're trying to trick it into being happy with medication or exercise or whatever. You may fall into one of the more difficult categories and need to not discontinue whatever medications or therapy you find helps you cope with the depression best. And sorry to say, if you are a lifelong sufferer, it is just about coping day-to-day, and not curing.

I'm no longer on meds nor in therapy... I was doing that stuff during school and because of my new schedule I can't find the right time to see the therapist. Well, my dads a therapist so occasionally I'll talk to him, but it's very awkward when I need to talk about more "secretive" issues.

There seems to be a great misunderstanding in society - and in this thread - about what depression is. Depression isn't "I'm alone and ugly and nobody likes me", because that has some vague connection to reality (the world really does hate people who don't conform to their rigid standards of beauty and social behaviour). Depression is "I know I have a good life and privilege and a social network and loving friends/family and I'm working towards goals and I am socially validated in some way and so on, but I still feel like crying all the time." It isn't a rational, explainable side-effect of having a less-than-perfect life. It's faking it and never making it because there is something inside you that doesn't quite work the way everyone else does. It's not "teenage blues" though many teenagers do experience real depression and have it dismissed and made worse by such beliefs. It's definitely not just self-pity. It's being awesome and still being depressed anyway. The two states of being are not mutually exclusive, and, as the vast pages of the geniuses of history shows us, often occur simultaneously in higher-functioning people with depression (or bipolar &/or BPD which also have strong depressive states).


Well... yeah. The amazing thing is that there's an immense amount of positivity in my life at the moment and basically nothing, other than my failure in society (which has been ungoing for a number of years, anyway), that is very negative. I painted an official album cover, my art is going to be in 2 magazines, I went to Coro's show, I bought a new turntable that sounds amazing, I bought my first ever car and in 2 weeks I will have my license, my school situation has been amazing and there are days where I can leave school 4 hours in advance, and I just received my first report card and it's the best I've had in years...

There's a lot to be happy about, and yet I feel miserable.

Which I think, Jake, is why you should be talking to a professional about this, and not people on an art forum on the internet who clearly Do Not Get It. Frankly, if I was in your shoes and reading most of the replies in this thread I would be feeling worse about myself, not better.

That's not an unrealistic estimation...

So... yeah...

[kelly x]

That sounds good Jake!!
It does sound like you know what you should be doing for yourself and you should make the time, it sounds crucial, especially when your busy.

[mundanity]

Does your school provide counselling services, Jake?

[0kelvin]

I've been in your shoes. I know how hard it is being alone. I was like you at your age, and I recently had to struggle with these issues again when I moved to a new city on my own and realised I wasn't very good at making friends.

This site (http://www.succeedsocially.com/) helped me a lot.

[Jovian M]

For what it's worth, also, based on what I know about you, I'd chill with you.

[catartxis]

I know how hard can it be, when you want so say something and nobody is there to listen.
This thread its a huge step. A big step. A proof that there is people willing to hear. May not find the best solutions. But at least and its totally worth the while to know that there is other people who share the same or similar feelings. People who had lived or are right now living the same thing. People who can give insight and advices. And plenty of comments of guys what simply want to help.

Keep yourself busy. Like someone said, you are the KEY.
Avoid TV, too much crappy stuff. Make art, draw, paint, read books, even play video games. Do sports! Listen music that inspire you. Listen to people that inspire you. Use whatever activity that keeps of busy and motivated as a therapy. Social activities as well with people who share your interest.
I know i use it as a theraphy for myself. Its hard, but music saves me. Drawing saves me, a bit of sports and swimming saves me, hell even video games saves me. Threads like this and cheer me up saves me. I really wish it saves and help you too.
Dont ever feel afraid of ask for help or ask for friend.

Probably is not much. But good vibes are on the way!
Yell if you need to. Make a thread if you need to, seek help, search people.
And like "Jorney" says: "Be good to yourself" and "dont stop believin"
Keep posting, keep doing stuff man!

[Krato]

i find it depressing when i crack my fingers and then they start to feel weird and it gets me worrying if i will be unable to use my hands in the near future -- can't paint without hands.

[jedininjaman]

CONFIDENCE
find it.
really, look for it.
excericize is pro i just started working out and before any physical results i FEEL ALIVE
not joking...
you should try it, and no sweat it doesnt count, there has to be some cardio

[OldJake666]

Oh this thread, aw isn't this a cute little thread? :)

No I shant be going that far...

Anyway, tomorrow I've decided to kill Jake Kobrin...

And before you yell HOLY FUCK and run to your phones to call my parents, I mean that tomorrow I'm going to be Clark Kent, Mark Twain, ... or Hupogrammos Disciple. ;) Tomorrow I am going to try to act the opposite, or at least significantly different, than I would on average.

I suppose I can try to "fake it until I make it" as well, but that ties in with the alternative personality aspect...

[Slash]

Good for you jake, i wish you all the best! Just remember, if you get a smile from a cashier chick and step in dogpoo after you leave the store, let the smile be what you remember from that day. Let that be what matters.

[Hexism]

it's still stuck there.

http://kimag.es/share/33859422.jpg

[wiggum]

Well, there is way more text here than I thought. I don't have time to read through every post, but I gather that you are still in high school and that fact alone should give you hope. There is big wonderful thing right around the corner: College. This might just be a case of you having to grit your teeth and just hold on until you get there.

As for the whole depression thing, I don't know. I've struggled with depressed feeling for a long time, but apparently not to the same extent as you. And what I felt had more to do more with environment than phycology (I live in midtown Detroit, and if you didn't already know things here have been kind of...shitty for the last 40 years or so). I came out of it after I joined a fraternity and moved out of my parents house and got a good job. I'm still without a girlfriend, but I even seem to be making some progress there.

Maybe you should try to read this article:
http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html

Cracked.com is usually an awesome source for lists of what superheroes have the lamest powers, but this article had a fairly profound effect on me.

[kelly x]

Korbin this makes me so happy, the other you can have some mad fun :P... Let go and let er' rip and R>I>P Jake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was Wonder Woman for about a month, nothing can touch you dude!!
Oh yeah, change your name and what you normally wear too maybe, put that long hair in a pony tail, hahahaha and again, RIP, we'll have a memorial for you and anyone else changing into someone else here. I died a long time ago and it Rocks!!

[kelly x]

wiggum, I like that article, "It's the kind of physical, dirt-under-your-nails satisfaction that you can only get by turning off the computer, going outdoors and re-connecting with the real world. That feeling, that "I built that" or "I grew that" or "I fed that guy" or "I made these pants feeling".
The smartest person I know is 16, she has banned texting, cell phones and limits herself on the computer to two hours a day, she may have something going on.

[mundanity]

That article has very little relevance to actual depression.

[OldJake666]

Korbin this makes me so happy, the other you can have some mad fun :P... Let go and let er' rip and R>I>P Jake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was Wonder Woman for about a month, nothing can touch you dude!!
Oh yeah, change your name and what you normally wear too maybe, put that long hair in a pony tail, hahahaha and again, RIP, we'll have a memorial for you and anyone else changing into someone else here. I died a long time ago and it Rocks!!

I actually wear my hair in a ponytail like one day a week or so. Not as much as wearing it down, of course, because face it my hair is fokkin sexeh... :mod:

[kelly x]

Jake, Wear your hair down you sexy rocker!!!!
Mundanity, Regardless the article was relevant to mental health outlook, things that can lead to depression and had several good points, it made me feel like seeking out several very irritating friends and relatives I have ;)

[alesoun]

Tomorrow I am going to try to act the opposite, or at least significantly different, than I would on average.

Does that mean you're going to try your hand at Manga in your SB? Double dare ya!!! ;)

I will if you will.......

[arttorney]

Role playing. Interesting. That's how I got over some stuff, coupled with the "take a risk" thing. I was that kid who was mortally terrified to talk to anybody, particularly strangers. I purposefully failed a class in high school rather than get up and make a speech.

Now I can stand up in front of a courtroom full of strangers and argue against a professional arguer (the other attorney) about a whole bunch of other people's money. It's because when I am up there I am not the scared kid I once was. I instead live out the role of aggressive attorney. I speak up, and attempt to fill the room with forceful personality. It's not really who I feel like I am, but I'm smart enough to see that it can take me some places. Women respond different to me when I am in my suit, too. ZZTop is right about that "sharp dressed man" business.

I thought all that was a pretty big deal until the first day I went in to be a judge pro tem. When you're an attorney your back is to all the people and it is easy to forget about them. When you are sitting on the big bench looking straight out at 50 or 100 people who all expect that you really got your act together, believe me, that's intense. The new role that day took a really major pair of cojones, but there was no way I was going to get beaten by the demons of my fears. It was just another role I needed to get used to.

When you get used to fun roles you will feel more comfortable in them and people will begin to sense your confidence. They will like it.

Don't think of this as becoming a fake person. If you have picked roles of people you would like to be, then you are merely growing into becoming that person you wanted to be. That's not fake. It's called success.

[Flake]

When I'm depressed, I often cheer myself up with the thought that I'm not starving in a mud hut in Africa.

Like millions of people are. Right now.

The best thing you can do for yourself is get a sense of humour / perspective.

[Sphyzex_9]

Do you think you might have Asperger's Syndrome? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
I mean, I'm not being harsh, but a lot of people like you (decent people with no friends) tend to have it. In any case we're your friends.

[OldJake666]

Hahaha, no I do not have Asperger's. I know someone that does, however, and her situation is very, very sad.

I do not have a social problem. I talk with people, laugh with them, etc on a daily basis and I think that people enjoy their conversations with me. That is why I do not understand why I have no friends.

I have literally no friends, btw, as of today... I went to lunch with them as usual (not that I was invited) and they were talking about a film they saw together that I wasn't invited to. THIS IS ONE OF MANY TIMES THEY'VE DONE THINGS AND HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT INVITING ME! I give them my phone number, I'm always on facebook, I'm always around at school, etc, so they have no excuse. And every time I invite them to do things, they blow me off! So today, me being Jacob Kobrin (opposite of Jake Kobrin), I basically told them to fuck off and I hope to never see them again. I seriously can't take this bullshit. They exclude me from everything and when I am around them all they do is make me feel bad. Well, my average reaction would be to bottle up all of the negativity and then go morn in a corner somewhere. I think that giving them hell is a much more constructive response...

But that wasn't depressing, it feels like a new chapter of my life. I no longer have those douchbags to hold me back!

[Sphyzex_9]

Yeah just work on being positive and optomistic. Next time just be like, "Hey I'd like to join you guys next time"

[Jabo]

Oh my god I'm going to feel horrible after this …

Jake, you have to learn to be (genuinely) nice to people. That last post shows just how much you think everyone around you is inferior. Who would want to be friends with someone like that? Ask yourself, would you like to hang out with someone who thinks you're a dumbass and merely endures your company?

It's really hard to judge your situation without actually knowing you, but you seem to be a passive bystander all your waking life. The opposite is to actively move things by taking part in the life of others. Always being on facebook is the opposite thing. You're basically sitting in your control room, judging things from above, not willing to get your hands dirty and be down in the mud where everyone else lives their lives.

In order to make friends, you have to realize that you're in no way better than those around you. Standing in a group of people, panting like hell to jump on anything that might be a situation is the exact opposite to being kind and enjoyable. Stop being an elitist. There might be things you're better at than others, but in 9 out of 10, you're not. Everyone is that way, everyone has 1 out of 10.

[TASmith]

hmmmm... Well you didn't do the right thing. I think the main thing is, you complain about feeling lonely, and in another thread you mentioned crushes you have - natural at your age. YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LIKE YOURSELF AND ENJOY BEING ALONE.

When I was your age I was pretty lonely too. I had a couple friends, but while we hung out, and made fun of others, I knew when we were apart, they were making fun of me with those exact same people we made fun of. Go figure. Now I don't see any of them anymore. I didn't curse them out or anything, I wished them well and moved on. BUT, when I was your age I found ways to entertain myself.

Go Draw. Read a book. Watch some films. Watch John Stewart. Read some news and get educated on current events. Learn to care about other things than yourself. Everyone needs a bit of a Stoic in them. There are times you have to say, "to hell with my desires and happiness, I have work to do. I have responsibilities."

One last bit, to show I practice what I preach. Yesterday I tried to bike up a big hill in the nearby national park. I couldn't do it, but I got half way, and drew three sketches I'll be uploading soon. While up there drawing, only two people passed me. One on a bike, and one jogging. Here's what I know. They are both happy people. And they're appreciating something that most everyone else in the town ignores, either because they're too busy or too lazy. These two people have their good days and bad days, but no matter what, they also have things to look forward to because they know how to look.

I'd like to hear something new and different from you that's positive. Either that or talk to a professional.

[LuckyDevil]

I don't know about you guys, but being an artist and pursuing art usually makes you lonely. (thats why this community was formed in the first place, to bring all those lonely artist together.) At least thats what i thought and has happened to me :P

so follow everyone's advice and just live man, if you feel sad draw then paint what your feeling, pour it out on canvas and show the world. Your not the only one feeling and going through the same things because i am currently going through the same thing right now. But i know there's no use in wallowing in your pain, did that for a year and it just keeps dragging you deeper and deeper.

Enjoy the little things and cherish the big ones, and get out sometime you can't draw from life if you never experience it.

[arttorney]

OK. Maybe Jacob Kobrin instead goes out and invites the people he wants to hang out with to movies. He therefore needs to be familiar with what is playing where. Perhaps he finds the listings on the internet and prints them out. Perhaps he finds them in the local weekly "free press" type paper, but either way he would be the man with the plan.

[Choob]

you need some sun and fresh air. GTFO and start jogging.
Sitting home all day without moving much your internal organs don’t get enough blood, of course you start getting depressed and down. That’s a number 1 syndrome.
You have to start changing your lifestyle because that is the origin of your depressions.
You might develop anxiety disorder or panic disorder some day. If you have this kind of symptoms
or if you feel very uneasy going out in public, looking strangers in the eye, you need to see a psychologist.
They have medication, antidepressants and they will help you to find the roots of your problem.
You need to move your ass, go out and make new friends. Go party. Do SPORTS, start running every day (you can run across your house if you are too shy to run outsie) you will see results after 1-2 weeks already.
Having depressions is usually a way of your body telling you that something is wrong, it often is a physical problem, too less movement, too less vitamins, dehydration, stress, going to bed much too late, lack of sun.

Get your shit together.


It does not take a scientist to tell you have depressions; a quick look at your painting is enough.
You sound almost suicidal.
It’s good that you posted, I hope someone can talk some sense into you.


Endorphins for the win.

So much great advice in this thread already I don't know where to start...

You see Jake, just look at all these replies man!

Although the vast majority of CA's members are sarcastic bastards at the best of times, we're still a community, and just look at the people trying to help you.

:)

Get out get running.

Don't like running? Try swimming, cycling, jogging, go to the gym, meet new people, whatever.

Getting the blood pumping is a great way to feel alive.

You sound quite stressed out too, if you've not got any mates to talk to to try relieve stress, try yoga/tai chi exercises, the whole breathing thing, and imagining yourself elsewhere, and relaxing everything works amazingly well.

By being more relaxed, you genuinely get on more with people, smile more, and have more fun.

I can say this from personal experience.

So you don't get on with the people you hang around with.

Fair doosies. Find some people you like, go to lunch with them or whatever, but you have to be good with them you know, talk to them, make jokes, whatever.

Just be yourself in happy form. :sungod:

We all get depressed. It's human nature.

But we have to get on with it. And no I don't mean trudge along with this stuff weighing you down.

This shit is holding you down, holding you back. Go in there determined to be yourself, to rise to the level you want to be.

When we're determined to succeed we can do a hell of alot.

Keep updating man, I'm interested in how you're getting on.

-Yowza

;)

[kelly x]

Jacob, I had people like the one's you just discribed in my life too and told them all to FO!!!! It is the best thing you could have done, these people are not your friends in the first place if they ever blow you off!!! You do not need them in your life, Wow send them my way and I'll help in kicking their asses...
People in general have very few really true close friends, I have two and these two took me years to find.
Don't feel bad for one moment for dropping these false "friends" they are not nice people if they are shit heads to you!!
Jacob, sounds great, hahahaha and good to see you taking the power over your surroundings and dropping several shit heads, good riddin's whoot toot tools.

[Dusty]

I'm sorry, but I have a different perspective than a lot of what I have seen here.
I've seen a lot of "Cut your hair!", "Do some sports!", "Go outside and meet people!"

Dude, screw that...and I mean that.
When I was in Jr. High and in my Sophomore year, I tried to do all of that shit and it didn't help at all. Jocks didn't respect me because I sucked at sports, chicks didn't respect me because even though I was clean cut, I still wasn't particularly GQ, and going outside and meeting people only took my focus away from my art.

You know what I did in my Junior year in high school? I said to hell with all of these people.....and I just did my thing, which was art. Over the course of my Junior year I basically spent every waking hour doing art and working at a Pizza hut to save money (which, btw, if you want friends? Get a job. You work closely with people every other day and you make friends FAST) for school. By the time I was a Senior, not only had I become "The art guy" in the school which drew a lot of respect from people (even the jocks), but chicks had started to notice something in me. Maybe it was that I wasn't trying so hard, maybe it was the confidence in myself I was radiating, who knows...but you want to know something?

Throughout highschool, I remained completely single BY CHOICE, because that shit is all a distraction anyway. There was even a girl or two that I recall *really* liking, and it probably would have gone somewhere because they dug the shit out of me...but I told them straight up that I am going to art school in a year and I've got no time for that. I also was single all the way through college....I had a full ride scholarship due to my hard efforts and lack of distraction in high school, after all, so I had to maintain a 3.5 average anyway. There was no way I was going to jeopardize that.

In the end, everything paid off...I was a paid professional by the time I was 20, still am to this day and following all sorts of dreams. Also, I've been with the same woman for 10 years this christmas. There is a time for everything, dude. I've talked to you before and you sound like you really want to make a living at art....so WORK. Push off the playtime a couple years (which will seem really insignificant when you are 25-30)

I don't know how else to explain this other than sounding REALLY old, but High School is SMALL POTATOES dude! Wait until you get to college...you will make the best friends of your life there, you'll probably lose weight from being a starving student and walking around a lot more, and there are chicks there that will potentially be there with you when you graduate anyway, but most importantly...CHICKS THAT ARE INTO METAL! ;)

I understand your depression, but trust me...I was there. And the only change that I did was go from what everyone is telling you to be and changed into what you are right now. A music lover, an artist, and someone who dresses and wears their hair the way they want to.

That's my side of it anyway...in the end, do what makes you happy. Find the thing that matters most and make a decision and commit to it. For me it was art, I can't tell what will work for you...all I can do is tell you what worked for me.

-D

[Sphyzex_9]

Also, you're only 16 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're still in high school; you'll find once you get to the college age people are less superficial and easier to socialize with. But for now just be go out and be positive, mabey do some volunteer work. You'll feel less depressed.

[Man Made God]

Imo, sounds like you did the right thing. You have to balance "niceness" with boundaries and self respect... cutting certain people out of your life is essential, but be sure to give everyone a chance. If you're too nice, you'll seem desperate and weak, too cold and you seem dysfunctional. Reward good behavior and ignore people when they annoy you, or when you feel like they aren't making an effort.

It is hard, being socially adjusted and having friends aren't always the same thing. Some of the most popular people I know have no real friends, so I think it's important to separate the two. Good people are rare anyway, if you want to find them, you need to meet new people all the time and filter out the 90%. Don't judge them before you know them, stereotypes exist but real individuals can look like anything.

[Shinn]

Its funny because I remember seeing you replying to something on my facebook, and I go see it only to remember how off your comment was:


Jake Kobrin Fucking Dragonforce should fucking rot eternally... Hardest metal? They're Nintendo-inspired Asian Power Metal bullshit...

You said that about a Dragonforce joke pic I uploaded on facebook.

Now only this come to my mind about you; You hate too many things in life. Start being more positive and the world will change around. Seriously thats all you need man.

[kelly x]

Shinn, All I can say is an off comment on a Face Book joke post does not make or break a person.
Being more positive is a good thing in general and good advice, but remembering someone in a certain way because of one "off post" on Face Book not so good.
You should see what I post on Face Book :P, I should be locked away half the time maybe??? Mahahaha

[OldJake666]

Its funny because I remember seeing you replying to something on my facebook, and I go see it only to remember how off your comment was:



You said that about a Dragonforce joke pic I uploaded on facebook.

Now only this come to my mind about you; You hate too many things in life. Start being more positive and the world will change around. Seriously thats all you need man.

D00D))) IT WAS A JOKE. God, I hate barely anything. I was simply saying that about that picture because it's true, I quite dislike Dragonforce, and I thought that whoever drew it had no idea about Metal.

God damn, there's way to much text in this thread to be entirely aimed at me...

And god, it's ridiculous how many false conclusions have been drawn about me based on little to no information. It's pretty ridiculous.

Anyway, we should get back on topic for this thread...

What made me depressed today? Nothing so far, not even all of the false assumptions in this thread. I found those mildly funny.

[Ryan K]

Well, as vivid and long as my dream was last night, I FAILED to become lucid... :(

I almost went lucid though, when this crazy lady at a restaurant told me if I want to take control I should concentrate on the sounds of the clinking dishes the waiters were carrying, and move about the room with them. It was almost a dance how precisely they moved from table to table. I got sucked into their motion like it was a whirlpool - and as clumsily as I imitated them, brushing against them and pushing off of them, they never dropped a thing. Then I lost track of myself... lol

I fucking hate these god damn Lucid Dream books. I know when I'm dreaming, that's not the problem. When I'm in a dream, I know it, I just can't connect. It's like I'm watching a movie brain dead, switching between first and third person and different camera angles. I need like a volt of awareness pumped into me.

[OldJake666]

Well, as vivid and long as my dream was last night, I FAILED to become lucid... :(

I fucking hate these god damn Lucid Dream books. I know when I'm dreaming, that's not the problem. When I'm in a dream, I know it, I just can't connect. It's like I'm watching a movie brain dead, switching between first and third person and different camera angles. I need like a volt of awareness pumped into me.

I almost went lucid though, when this crazy lady at a restaurant told me to concentrate on the sounds of the clinking dishes the waiters were carrying, and move about the room with them. It was almost a dance how precisely they moved from table to table. I got sucked into their motion like it was a whirlpool - and as clumsily as I imitated them, brushing against them and pushing off of them, they never dropped a thing. Then I lost track of myself... lol

I usually have a lucid dream each week.

Well THAT is something I actually may be able to help you with. You have to stop trying... hahaha. God, that must sound friggin frustrating, huh? But seriously, that is what allowed me to first reach lucidity. The more emotionality you place towards your dreams, the farther you will distance yourself from your dream. Hah, look it that, I'm kind of making false assumptions as well... But anyway, I was so frustrated and disappointed that I never became lucid and one day I just said fuck it, and I gave up and I went to sleep. That's when it all started to happen.

Also do tons of reality checks.

Actually, I wrote an essay about lucid dreaming that may help you if you wish to read it (and anyone else who wishes may read it as well, of course).


Once this paper is in your hands, calmly proceed to levitate from your seat, through the ceiling, and begin to fly towards whatever destination you may wish... because you are dreaming.

That is a ridiculous claim, you may think, but if you were dreaming (and how can you say you currently are not?) your dream-self would likely propose an identical statement. You can not float through the ceiling and towards your eternal paradise because you are bound by gravity, not unlike whatever forces (within your mind) you would be bound by within a dream.

The solution to these thwarting boundaries is the practice of lucid dreaming, when you become consciously aware of your dreaming state whilst maintaining physical unconsciousness. Once you have identified that you are residing within a dream, you may then control all aspects of said dream, as the dream is within your mind. You have the power to realize that the law of gravity only applies within your dreams because you expect it to and by a simple shift in thought you may soar through the air. Though the task of lucid dreaming may be a difficult one to achieve at first, it is not an impossibility nor even remotely unrealistic and due to the fact that you may venture deep within yourself and interact with your subconscious, the skill presents a vast array of benefits.

The ability to lucid dream is not, actually, as specific to your sleeping behavior as you may think. In fact, the ability to dream lucidly is simply a product of living lucidly. The goal of the entire project is to be able to distinguish between waking life and the dream state which may be achieved by retaining a more thorough state of consciousness within their lives as well as recording and further analyzing their dreams.

Another essential, though shocking, component is that one must adapt an outlook that would be found within their dreams. Essentially, one must always expect that they are dreaming. If a person would dream with the expectation that they are actually awake (as is the case with the “average” dreamer) then it would present a much greater obstacle for their goal of becoming lucid.

This prompts an important question: How can one tell if they are dreaming? The most common method is to test your reality. This entails performing or observing a task in which the outcome would present a noticeable difference within a dream than within reality. Some approaches to this are plugging your nose (if you can still breathe, and it is assumed that you do not a have a large hole in your nostril, then you must be dreaming), reading a line of text, averting your eyes from it for a moment, and then rereading the text (words change dramatically within dreams), or trying to place your hand through a solid object. These tasks should be performed on a regular basis, to the point in which it becomes a habit. The purpose of this is that you will continue the habit while dreaming (and perhaps spontaneously realize that you are dreaming.)

Due to the fact that you can do quite literally anything you wish to within your lucid dream, you are presented with the opportunity to create change for yourself. Many people have successfully used lucid dreaming as a means of eliminating recurring nightmares and to rehearse performances to sharpen skills and develop new ones.

Also, lucid dreaming is one of the few ways to reach transcendent states of consciousness (other methods being meditation, brainwave entrainment, and, though I do not support the technique, through the ingestion of psychedelics.) These experiences are very hard to describe with words but they offer a feeling of utter divinity. I shall recite one of my transcendent lucid dreams, a “negative” though immensely significant experience:

“Sunday, August 29 2009

“I had realized that I was dreaming after having a conversation with my grandfather who, I realized, sounded and looked nothing like the one in my ‘real life.’

“The moment I became lucid I attempted to fly through the ceiling of my dining room and towards the beyond. Because of indiscernible reason, I could not fly and I fell onto my back in the attempt.

“After I recovered from the fall, I suddenly sank through the floor. I became paralyzed and fell for a seemingly infinite amount of time. I eventually managed to close my eyes.

“As I fell deeper the temperature dropped sequentially, eventually reaching a degree of absolute frigidness. As the temperature descended, I became increasingly gripped with negative emotions. I succumbed to the emotion and became overwhelmed with negativity… I had never felt such despair and hopelessness in my entire existence. Terrifying sounds and smells accompanied the dread. I dare not open my eyes for fear of what I may see.

“Eventually I felt something solid beneath my feet and I opened my eyes. I had returned to my dining room with my grandfather still in the room.

“When I awoke the next morning I reflected that what I experienced was truly significant. I felt entirely encompassed by it and it was a feeling that I never had or have since experienced. I felt truly separated from the earth.

"I had met and immersed myself within the whole of the darkness that exists within me…And by meeting it I had reached a rare level of agreement with it. I had freed myself from this burden.”

Since the late 1980's, there has been in an influx in the amount of scientific and practical research completed in the realm of lucid dreaming. Many books have been written on the subject and utilizing such documents, coupled with a proper dosage of experimentation, beginners may learn to dream lucidly.

A prominent book on the subject is Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LaBerge. For his dissertation work at Stanford University, Stephen LaBerge conducted a series of experiments and studies in an attempt to eliminate the skepticism surrounding the practice of lucid dreaming. Based on the premise that eye movements enacted in a dream would effect the dreamer’s physical eye movements, LaBerge created an experiment. He told an experienced oneironaut (an explorer of the dream realm) to execute a certain eye pattern the moment they gain lucidity. Using an eye-tracking device called a polysomnograph machine he was able to observe as the dreamer executed the exact eye pattern he had commanded.

Despite the multitude of research, there is still much skepticism about the psychological phenomenon. How can any one person dispense introspective advice towards one's dreams, a phenomenon respected for being very personal and unique for those experiencing it? For this reason studies of lucid dreaming may not apply to the specific person attempting them.

I am reminded of a conversation I had with Kayo Dot, maudlin of the Well, and Tarter Lamb composer Toby Driver in which I discussed the ideas of lucid dreaming and brainwave entrainment (which is a method of brainwave stimulation through the use of binaural audio frequencies). Driver utilized lucid dreaming and astral projection as a means of writing material for the first two maudlin of the Well albums (ensuring that all music was “found, not created”) and is therefore quite experienced with the practice. In fact, it was the discovery of his creative utilization of the skill that initially inspired me to work towards my goal of becoming an oneironaut.

During our conversation about brainwave entrainment, (of which he had never heard of beforehand) I told Driver that often the proposed effects of the particular binaural arrangement will have an entirely different effect upon me, if any at all. He found this very logical, and the idea that there would be a specific effect described absolutely appalling. “Each of our minds are far too unique,” he stated, “for anything to have the exact effect upon them.”

There are also many rumors surrounding lucid dreaming that I feel obligated to rectify. A common fear is of damage towards your health and mind. Due to the fact that you exist as a “simulated being” within a “simulated environment”, it is impossible to damage yourself mentally or physically within any dreams including those that are lucid. This being the case, all negative experiences may be seen as significant and progressive (for it is your own negativity that you are facing, as much a part of you as any fantasy.)

Another invalid rumor is that lucid dreaming will fatigue you due to the fact that your dreams are when your body stores information and completes many other useful tasks. This is a simple claim to refute, as we have hundreds of dreams each night and the maximum amount of lucid dreams I have ever discovered a person having in a night is four. Ultimately your lucid dreams will only occupy a maximum of one percent of your dream time, leaving plenty of time for your mind to recuperate as would in “normal” REM sleep.

Each of us spend a third of our life sleeping which means we spend about 25 years dormant. Lucid dreaming presents the opportunity for us to utilize that time and further progress ourselves. Whether used as a means of wish fulfillment or for reasons of more prominence, not but positivity can be wrought from the practice.

I hope that helps you!
Jake (yeah, I abandoned the Jacob thing... it felt too unnatural.)

Edit:


I need like a volt of awareness pumped into me.

Actually, you said it yourself didn't you? Be lucid in your waking life and your dreams will follow suite...

[Ryan K]

Also do tons of reality checks.



I'll have to look into binaural audio frequencies. Thanks for the mention.

I'm making it a habit to jump, in waking life every now and then; to see if I float or descend at a slow rate. My friend asked me what the fuck I was doing. Jumping around in the grocery store and feeling up the glass doors lol.

This is what I need work on, making that habitual. I've only been following these methods for a couple days actually - so I guess it might take a little time. Though I tend to lucid dream anyways a few times a month. Strange to say dream sex is what activates my lucidity.

I actually do recall jumping through a glass window in my dream (not braking it). I had this intense split second urge and confidence that I could do it. Then I got excited when I landed on the other side, and lost it and headed back into the restaurant for 3 omelets bigger than the plate with green sauce and chunky lemon iced-tea. Was gooood. :)

[OldJake666]

Strange to say dream sex is what activates my lucidity.

You must not be getting much IRL then... ;)

I wouldn't recommend jumping as a means of telling whether or not you are dreaming. Flying is an entirely different sensation, tbh. What I do is plug my nose and see if I can breath which almost "works" while I'm dreaming. Other methods like pinching yourself , trying to put your hands through objects, trying to fly/jump highly, etc, don't work for me.

[Vatsel]

Hahaha, no I do not have Asperger's. I know someone that does, however, and her situation is very, very sad.

I do not have a social problem. I talk with people, laugh with them, etc on a daily basis and I think that people enjoy their conversations with me. That is why I do not understand why I have no friends.

I have literally no friends, btw, as of today... I went to lunch with them as usual (not that I was invited) and they were talking about a film they saw together that I wasn't invited to. THIS IS ONE OF MANY TIMES THEY'VE DONE THINGS AND HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT INVITING ME! I give them my phone number, I'm always on facebook, I'm always around at school, etc, so they have no excuse. And every time I invite them to do things, they blow me off! So today, me being Jacob Kobrin (opposite of Jake Kobrin), I basically told them to fuck off and I hope to never see them again. I seriously can't take this bullshit. They exclude me from everything and when I am around them all they do is make me feel bad. Well, my average reaction would be to bottle up all of the negativity and then go morn in a corner somewhere. I think that giving them hell is a much more constructive response...

But that wasn't depressing, it feels like a new chapter of my life. I no longer have those douchbags to hold me back!

You did the right thing man!
Some people think that they're above you and there's nothing that you can do about it, except leave em be.

You'll find better people to hang out with, I'm sure. Good people are always around.

[OldJake666]

^ Thanks man. That's how I feel too.

It was weird though today. Everyone acted like nothing had happened and perhaps they I didn't make a big enough impression. The event was not actually as flambouant as I made it out to seem in the post. They were talking about the movie thing and I made a sarcastic gesture about it, said something like "You know guys can talk about your shit, I'm out of here..." and left. Later I sent a volgur text message but they may have seen that as humor. So the whole event was jumbled in confusion, sadly. I don't mind really, I wasn't planning on bullying them or anything, and they have their moments of sparse enjoyability.

That's besides the point of what ever actually happened, I decided then that I didn't care to loose them as friends and that I would make a much greater effort to make new relationships.

[Derek the Usurper]

Its funny because I remember seeing you replying to something on my facebook, and I go see it only to remember how off your comment was:



You said that about a Dragonforce joke pic I uploaded on facebook.

Now only this come to my mind about you; You hate too many things in life. Start being more positive and the world will change around. Seriously thats all you need man.

How would anything ever improve if there weren't any negative and opinionated people to assert the need for improvement?

That said, "Nintendo-inspired Asian Power Metal" can be fun sometimes. :)

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[tobbA]

On the other hand Galneryus is lots better than Dragonforce... :) But I guess it's a bit cheesy tho :P

[timpaatkins]

After the move to my new studio, i was unpacking and my Marko DVD had gotten crushed. Not the bad one, but the first disc! DAMN IT!

[OldJake666]

How would anything ever improve if there weren't any negative and opinionated people to assert the need for improvement?

That said, "Nintendo-inspired Asian Power Metal" can be fun sometimes. :)

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ROTFLMFAO!!!!!

[Kaycy is tanning]

This thread.

[Ryan K]

You must not be getting much IRL then... ;)


That quote :( ...lol

[OldJake666]

That quote :( ...lol

Aw, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It was just a little joke. Hey man, I've NEVER gotten any so by virtue of not being a virgin you're already way ahead of me.

[Ryan K]

Aw, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It was just a little joke. Hey man, I've NEVER gotten any so by virtue of not being a virgin you're already way ahead of me.

Lol. Don't worry, it was funny. I thought to myself when I read what you typed, "Hey....! He's right!:O

[GammaRadiation-X]

I just get depressed a lot, all the time, every single day because the chemicals in my head are fucked up and no one will give me good meds. My brain chooses to take really bad, old, OLD memories and play them over and over and over. They're really stupid memories, too. The less stupid ones are still pretty depressing; The way I was a douche in highschool, hating everyone behind their backs, not talking to anyone, judging everyone, and surprise surprise, the two people I didn't hate I didn't have the balls to say hi to until it was too late and I'd never see them again.

I still feel pretty bad about that.

Now that I'm in college, which is only a million times better, I am being with people (The proximity alone makes me feel better. And I used to be horribly afraid of people, no doubt coming from the fact that elementary school kids are legitimately shitheads that should be firebombed...And so was I.), I'm trying to talk and be friendly, though I'm afraid I'm still being too nervous and reclusive. I might come across as being cold and distant. Takes time, I guess.

I've never been overweight, but damn yes, getting your blood flowing lifts your mood a LOT. But for me, I only want to run when I'm happy. So it's a small vicious cycle there.

One thing that's been making me feel better and want to make art and be happy again (Whenever that was, hurr!) is looking at art. Like on this site.

[GhostValkyrie]

The other people in class complaining and going on about themselves or their own art when they were simply asked to introduce themselves. One of which kept going on about two pieces she had done, of course she had no samples. One piece she hated and other thought was the best since the invention of the wheel, the other she loved, and surprisingly everyone else hated, because of her own naive and narrow-minded insight into death. Not to mention she sees herself as the smart introvert and no one understands her.. Something you could tell she had no experience from, because she thought it was beautiful. He only asked to hear a little bit about you, goddamnit! He didn't ask about your art, you're style, how special you think you are, or how different from everyone else you are. Stop trying and just be.

Sometimes people don't understand you, sometimes you're looking at things through a pair of glasses you've made yourself, and sometime you suck.

Actually, it didn't depress me - it pissed me off.

I apologize if I derailed this, jake; There simply seems to be a disturbingly prevailing connection between narcissism and depression. Not always there, but it's coming out more and more - or at least I feel it it

[jedininjaman]

daddy

[a la bapsi]

the levator labii superioris alaeque nasi

FUCK. facial anatomy.

[Industrellect]

Rain. IN my house. And running out of mops and buckets.

[Barts]

There's 5 year old kids out there with cancer with months to live, there's people
out there with no parents growing up on the streets,

put your life in perspective.

The only thing stopping you is your attitude, I found one thing that would always make
me feel better no matter what.

SMILE! and be happy sit back and realise how well you have it, ya friends don't invite you to a movie? who gives a fuck you don't need them. Surround ya self with like minded people and never look back.

[Katfayheirti]

Well, this morning I'm pissed because some idiots do not understand that the ally behind my apartment is PRIVATE PARKING and you cannot just park there for a city festival whenever you feel like it and block my car in! grrrrrr. Now I have to take the rail to work. Time to leave angry notes on their idiot windshields!

[Mucky88]

My song got rejected today, so I'm posting in this thread. I hate getting shot down for no reason. Damnit.

[PxelSlayer]

A look in the mirror.

But hey - another reliable disappointment. At least I got that.

[Red*]

There was a dead pigeon lying on the path to college that had fallen out of the trees and broken its neck. I wanted to move it so nobody would step on it, but it was kind of gross, so I didn't.

That, and being constantly reminded that I'm going into a super competitive industry and if I'm not good enough I'll fail. I need to get better!

[Flake]

Depressed reasons- My neighbour is insane (not "quirky" or "eccentric" but full on "care in the community" moonbat) and I can't afford to move to a better flat. Normally I ignore crazy neighbours but I fear this idiot is going to burn down the entire block due to his ignorance of physics, cooking and smoke alarms.
How do you manage to trigger fire alarms heating up a can of soup?

Not depressed reasons- well, for all my faults I'm not batshit insane and I'm unlikely to burn down the block while trying to heat up soup.

Edit: strangely I was making soup at the same time. Mine was from scratch, tasted nice and didn't catch fire, so at least I cook better than insane people.

Oh, and I won a free netbook / wireless router. I have no use for them whatsoever but freebies are still good.

Peepshow is back on TV too, so that's nice.

[Dorkthrone]

Dancer in the Dark. I teared up through most of the movie.

[a la bapsi]

wow nrx. you're a really pretty boy.

i will now proceed to back out of this thread.

[Daniel Andrews]

Just watch
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[Molly]

...realising, I'm not as good an artist as I thought I was..
My envy of friends who have made it;
The loss of my 8yr relationship, which in turn -has made me homeless;
I've lost my current studio -because I cant find a decent paid job in my field to fund it, (and because London is fucking extortionate)
Lack of someone to talk to; Lack of guidance and inspiration (and I cant afford the live streaming classes on offer)
Everything really...

Now, is that depressing enough or wot... :(

[Kya Hill]

I got asked if I was pregnant yesterday by the train-manager lady.

[squidmonk3j]

Dilution of language.

[Mucky88]

...realising, I'm not as good an artist as I thought I was..
My envy of friends who have made it;
The loss of my 8yr relationship, which in turn -has made me homeless;
I've lost my current studio -because I cant find a decent paid job in my field to fund it, (and because London is fucking extortionate)
Lack of someone to talk to; Lack of guidance and inspiration (and I cant afford the live streaming classes on offer)
Everything really...

Now, is that depressing enough or wot... :(

Wow, that made me want to hug you. I checked out your webpage, and whoever told you you're a shitty artist is out of their mind. I may not be a visual artist myself, but when I see something and it impresses me on the first glance then I take my hat off to you. That goes for EVERYONE here. Everybody is here because they have a talent, and you should keep doing what you're doing no matter what.

[LORD M]

A friend of mine showed me this song from the LOTR soundtrack, it played at the end of the movie when most people had gone. It's so beautifull and yet so sad. This and hearing an old relative turned sick made me sad today.


zkXbzffVl44

[vampire cervix]

What got me depressed?

The crystal clear knowledge that once i die, everything i ever did, said, thought, etc... will be completely and permanently erased and irrelevant. And even if i leave something behind, no matter how "important" it is, it too will eventually be pounded into dust.

[Costau]

How is that depressing? I find humor in that.

[LORD M]

How is that depressing? I find humor in that.

A tragic comedy.

[vampire cervix]

What got me depressed?

The crystal clear knowledge that once i die, everything i ever did, said, thought, etc... will be completely and permanently erased and irrelevant. And even if i leave something behind, no matter how "important" it is, it too will eventually be pounded into dust.

And just in case that seems too far fetched or your brain is refusing to really think about that idea in order to protect itself, here are some random "bite sized" depressing things:

-The history of mankind is composed mainly of wars, or rather war seems to be thing that people put the most effort into. It's literally the only time that groups of hundreds of thousands of people actually worked together and really achieved something. It's by far the number one thing people consciously give their lives for.

-If you have no money, no job, no home, no skills, no family and no friends, chances are that with minimal training you would survive longer alone in the wild than on the streets, among other human beings.

-If some guys wanted to break into your house in broad daylight to rob you and beat you to death they could do it without too much trouble.

-People that want to help you can't and people who can help you won't.

-The existence or hundreds of creative torture methods, homeless people getting beaten, child abuse, prisons, people killing each other for decades over who's made up god is better, skinned foxes left alive...all prove that humans are evil.

[FearSelf]

There was one field in which man was unsurpassed; he showed unlimited ingenuity in devising bigger and more efficient ways to kill off, enslave, harass, and in all ways make an unbearable nuisance of himself to himself. Man was his grimmest joke on himself. The very bedrock of humor was--
"Man is the animal that laughs." Jubal answered.

page 143

[aaronblack]

@ Jason Rainville in post #8

Grreat video there mate. Its one of my favorites. And an advice to people who pity themselves, Do not do that !! Get of your lame asses , take a walk to someplace and make it a point to see someone who is in dire need of help than you do whenever you feel down. Help him/her and feel good abt it.

And what turned me off today = nothing yet !!

[velderia]

And if it gets really shitty, go see a counselor/psychologist or whatever. It's what they do for a living and they can help.

My mom wasted so much money on a psychologist during a few months several years back. It was baffling. I haven't heard many stories where people got better from a psychologist, but I have heard a lot of stories where people find that they are better off without one.

And god forbid that you go see a doctor just so they can put you on a happy pill.

[Crane]

...realising, I'm not as good an artist as I thought I was..
My envy of friends who have made it;
The loss of my 8yr relationship, which in turn -has made me homeless;
I've lost my current studio -because I cant find a decent paid job in my field to fund it, (and because London is fucking extortionate)
Lack of someone to talk to; Lack of guidance and inspiration (and I cant afford the live streaming classes on offer)
Everything really...

Now, is that depressing enough or wot... :(

:'( You can come live with me if you like, i owe you that much for kick starting me into the whole ca.org etc scene. and for just being awesome.
its Tony btw, hai.

[tobbA]

What got me depressed?

The crystal clear knowledge that once i die, everything i ever did, said, thought, etc... will be completely and permanently erased and irrelevant. And even if i leave something behind, no matter how "important" it is, it too will eventually be pounded into dust.

First of all. It won't dissappear. Your existance is affecting the future no matter what you do. Do good things, and good things will come out of it. Even if it's just a little you're still contributing. Also, when you die, you will still live on through others. Other people will have memories of you. Your genes will be carried on by your children. There are even scientists that believe that the memories of our forefathers experiences are stored in our DNA. And also, why should you care? You'll be dead anyway. It's now that you're alive. Try to focus on that instead.


-The history of mankind is composed mainly of wars, or rather war seems to be thing that people put the most effort into. It's literally the only time that groups of hundreds of thousands of people actually worked together and really achieved something. It's by far the number one thing people consciously give their lives for.

That's why it's important to work to change that. Wars are still occuring all over the world. But isn't it amazing that the entirety of Europe, where everyone's been at each others throats for millenia, finally have made a lasting peace?


-If you have no money, no job, no home, no skills, no family and no friends, chances are that with minimal training you would survive longer alone in the wild than on the streets, among other human beings.

Totally depends on what country you're living in. And in any case there's allways a chance things'll turn to shit. Your harvest can fail or there could be a bad winter or terrible draft that leaves plants and animals starving, so that you can't get the food you need either.


-If some guys wanted to break into your house in broad daylight to rob you and beat you to death they could do it without too much trouble.

Except they'd probably be caught by the police and go to prison for it.


-People that want to help you can't and people who can help you won't.

That's not true.


-The existence or hundreds of creative torture methods, homeless people getting beaten, child abuse, prisons, people killing each other for decades over who's made up god is better, skinned foxes left alive...all prove that humans are evil.

Some people are bad. Some people are good. Life is a series of ups and downs. You'll just have to deal with it. Nothing's ever perfect. But we can allways try to make it better.

[OldJake666]

A friend of mine showed me this song from the LOTR soundtrack, it played at the end of the movie when most people had gone. It's so beautifull and yet so sad.

zkXbzffVl44

Add some record fuzz and some organic beats and you have your average Portishead song hahaha That was really cool actually, thanks. LotR has one of the best soundtracks of all time.

[OldJake666]

I just wanted to say that I allowed October to be a month of some significance, one that I would I observe more closely... At the end of this month I can firmly state that things are not looking up but rather the contrary...

I don't know what to do as of this point, but I want November to be different.

[kelly x]

Sorry Jake!! Ask your father for a recommendation of someone to see. People should not be this depressed!! Now I say see someone right away, I'm worried by this statement.

[crossmirage]

It's better to rant than to bottle things up.

Try taking self defense classes? Those help with your confidence a lot. And hey, you get to kick ass too.

As for what's making me feel shitty, not much besides the usual "no job, no IRL friends, I don't draw well enough, blah blah blah"

:(

[Oden]

-If you have no money, no job, no home, no skills, no family and no friends, chances are that with minimal training you would survive longer alone in the wild than on the streets, among other human beings.


dude, you'd be toast..with no skills and minimal training?? You wouldn't last long in the "wild" at all.

You could make a better go of it dumpster diving and panhandling than you could trying to figure out which plants to eat, how to start a fire, how to hunt, etc.

on the other hand, with a LOT of training and a few basic supplies, your life in the wild could be much more pleasant than on the streets.

[Irishdrunk]

Try taking self defense classes? Those help with your confidence a lot. And hey, you get to kick ass too.

I have to say, learning self defense karate at a very young age (like 12 or something), really boosted my confidence. That I still carry on my chest today.

With just a little knowledge, the dark alleys seem a bit brighter.

[Diar]

As much I want to learn how to draw. Stupid headaches are there to prevent me from doing so. Its been going on for a whole week now. I'm not thinking too hard or anything. I just try to learn from copying the examples found in Loomis and Bridgmen anatomy books, but there is the stupid headache that stops me. The strangest thing is that when I draw doodles in my sketchbook the headache is not there anymore.

[alesoun]

Expectations are always a downer; but when life takes you by surprise? That's a different matter...

[Jovian M]

I just wanted to say that I allowed October to be a month of some significance, one that I would I observe more closely... At the end of this month I can firmly state that things are not looking up but rather the contrary...

I don't know what to do as of this point, but I want November to be different.

Just be the best Jake Kobrin you can be. Be yourself. Do the things you like to. You'll find your groove. A funky groove to live to.

[KonnA]

Myself. Always myself.

[Muz]

not having anyone to go out drinking with on Halloween :(

[PxelSlayer]

Fact that I have 1 year and 9 months to get really, really, REALLY good, or I`ll end up working on some dead-end job that will suck out my life/youth/soul and I`ll never pick up a pencil again...Good luck with that one...

[NR43]

the news... damn why do I watch that anyway... it's always bad news...

[OldJake666]

not having anyone to go out drinking with on Halloween :(

Join the club... :(

[Ian Barker]

I didn't have any friends in high school either. Now I'm in college, which forces you to be more self reliant and forces you to interact. I'm still a pretty quiet guy and a little bit anxious, but I've made incredible progress. If you could do that to yourself during highschool that would be great, but otherwise know that better situations are on the way if you are open to them. Highschool is the worst part of life, just try to make it through that.

Also try listening to better music! I was completely obsessed with Radiohead during highschool, which was not a good thing for my state of mind seeing as I was already lonely and depressed. Since then though I've started listening to more uplifting music and it's made a world of difference... these days it's all about Animal Collective and Flaming Lips and celebratory stuff like that (as great as Radiohead is, I can't even listen to stuff like How to Disappear Completely anymore). Metal is probably not the most helpful thing you could be listening to... I'm not saying you should give it up entirely (I still listen to my fair share of dark music, but I balance it out), but I'll bet that a lot of the stuff you're exposing yourself to is just multiplying the depression you already have.

Also take everyone's advice and work out again! It sucks for the first week or two, but after a while you'll start feeling good about yourself, and that frame of mind will help you out socially.

[Jason Rainville]

Self portrait day is back and I really don't want to bother, yet feel for some reason that I should do it. Mreh.

[Nibras]

I've only read the first two page of this thread but I gotta say it's an amazing eye opener.
I know Jake started it on a bad note but it's really great what some of the people have posted about.

What I find so amazing and seeing how so many of the people on CA have this really great depth and understanding. Slash and Randis for example just to name a few gave some really great advice which I think we can all learn from; depressed or not.

[TASmith]

The following clips on youtube make my son cry uncontrollably, for at least a half hour, even to the point of vomiting. Each time I discover one of these new "frightening" clips, I wonder if there's something seriously wrong with him. He's getting towards three and still doesn't speak. I know I shouldn't worry yet, but I'm his parent so I do...

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With this one he's scared when Grover falls. He thinks Grover died or something.
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[Dorkthrone]

Self portrait day is back and I really don't want to bother, yet feel for some reason that I should do it. Mreh.

Do it. It's so worth it. I am terrible at portraits and I tried it.

[OldJake666]

Also try listening to better music! I was completely obsessed with Radiohead during highschool, which was not a good thing for my state of mind seeing as I was already lonely and depressed. Since then though I've started listening to more uplifting music and it's made a world of difference... these days it's all about Animal Collective and Flaming Lips and celebratory stuff like that (as great as Radiohead is, I can't even listen to stuff like How to Disappear Completely anymore). Metal is probably not the most helpful thing you could be listening to... I'm not saying you should give it up entirely (I still listen to my fair share of dark music, but I balance it out), but I'll bet that a lot of the stuff you're exposing yourself to is just multiplying the depression you already have.

Excuse me, and this does not apply only to you, but I absolutely LOATH when people criticize my musical taste. It's always incredibly ironic or at the least very ignorant because I have VERY (almost schizo-like) eclectic taste in music. My listening palette isn't even close to entirely dark music. Seeing how Sigur Ros is my second or third favorite band and Takk... is like the happiest album ever made I guess you can get the gist of what I mean...

Please leave my musical tastes alone because music is a much more sacred thing for me than I believe you could understand. It's not entertainment, it's a life force...

[B u r l]

Self portrait day is back and I really don't want to bother, yet feel for some reason that I should do it. Mreh.

Same. I've been feeling a need to rush it and so I got stressed out, hit the canvas with a brush and it popped out of the hold and cracked me on my nose, making it bleed, then I knocked over a bottle of liquin followed by a glass of linseed oil. :D

[Peter Coene]

Hmm, its a good thing this thread wasn't up about a year ago. I would have been raving about how my dad had turned me into a cowardly little bitch by belittling me my entire life, how he had emotionally abused my mom and my brother and sister, how when he turned that into physical abuse towards my mom I finally snapped and in the fight that occurred to protect her he stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen and then kicked me out of the house. I'd still be going off about how I was scared that in the economy I'd never find a job, especially with the seeming unbreakable paradox of "I need experience to get a job, I need a job to get experience." Add to this that I felt ashamed like I was a failure for having to bum off of friends who were good enough to give me a place to stay so that I didn't have to live on the street; that the only thing that kept me from being a homeless bum was not through any strength of my own but that there were people out there who cared and not I feel I owe a great part of my current well being to.

That, for me, was the pit of despair. It was probably the most depressed I'd ever been and I hope the lowest I ever ever will be. But the beauty of being in such a mess is when you are finally out of it you can look back and realize how happy you aught to be with where you are. Sure, every once in a while you find something to gripe about and you might find yourself wishing for a girlfriend, but by comparison its a cake walk.

[gnilrE]

Hmm, its a good thing this thread wasn't up about a year ago. I would have been raving about how my dad had turned me into a cowardly little bitch by belittling me my entire life, how he had emotionally abused my mom and my brother and sister, how when he turned that into physical abuse towards my mom I finally snapped and in the fight that occurred to protect her he stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen and then kicked me out of the house. I'd still be going off about how I was scared that in the economy I'd never find a job, especially with the seeming unbreakable paradox of "I need experience to get a job, I need a job to get experience." Add to this that I felt ashamed like I was a failure for having to bum off of friends who were good enough to give me a place to stay so that I didn't have to live on the street; that the only thing that kept me from being a homeless bum was not through any strength of my own but that there were people out there who cared and not I feel I owe a great part of my current well being to.

That, for me, was the pit of despair. It was probably the most depressed I'd ever been and I hope the lowest I ever ever will be. But the beauty of being in such a mess is when you are finally out of it you can look back and realize how happy you aught to be with where you are. Sure, every once in a while you find something to gripe about and you might find yourself wishing for a girlfriend, but by comparison its a cake walk.

yupp, good thing it wasnt up a year ago...
damn you, what depressed me today was reading that...

+

because i realised how much longer you remember bad stuff people have done than good things...
(so to be rememberd for a loooong time you ned to do something baaaaaaad/crueeeel) *sigh*

[Ian Barker]

Excuse me, and this does not apply only to you, but I absolutely LOATH when people criticize my musical taste. It's always incredibly ironic or at the least very ignorant because I have VERY (almost schizo-like) eclectic taste in music. My listening palette isn't even close to entirely dark music. Seeing how Sigur Ros is my second or third favorite band and Takk... is like the happiest album ever made I guess you can get the gist of what I mean...

Please leave my musical tastes alone because music is a much more sacred thing for me than I believe you could understand. It's not entertainment, it's a life force...

I'm not criticizing your taste in music. I'm saying that you need to consider that maybe the media you're exposing yourself to isn't helpful to your problem, especially if Sigur Ros is the happiest thing you listen to. I've seen your art, and it's quite obvious that you let the dark stuff have the greatest impact on you. I don't know if I'm as obsessed with music as you are, but I'm up there (I listen to easily 10 hours a day), and in my experience music has held huge impact on both my artwork and the way I feel towards life and people in general.

Also, don't be so sensitive. There's no need to snap or get all defensive... that kind of behavior, and being so obsessed with music that you hold it as more important than people isn't going to start winning you any friends.

[NanoBlack]

I'm just completely and utterly depressed that I have no idea how I'm going to get a job in the industry i want to- working with 3D models. I've reached a point where I can take a number of different avenues- uni, tafe and courses- but have no money to do what I really want, and know I'm just going to have to take uni. Which means I'm highly unlikely to ever get where I want to go, because of how competative the industry. I'm literally working from rock bottom, up. Just don't know how far I can get before I fall back down to earth.

[Ian Barker]

I'm just completely and utterly depressed that I have no idea how I'm going to get a job in the industry i want to- working with 3D models. I've reached a point where I can take a number of different avenues- uni, tafe and courses- but have no money to do what I really want, and know I'm just going to have to take uni. Which means I'm highly unlikely to ever get where I want to go, because of how competative the industry. I'm literally working from rock bottom, up. Just don't know how far I can get before I fall back down to earth.

Instead of paying for college, use your money to get a nice computer and the major 3D programs (if you don't have those already). Buy some professional tutorials on areas you're interested in (0Escape Studios is a highly praised online program, and Gnomon always works too). Work a dumb job to pay rent, and spend the rest of your time working through tutorials, putting together a portfolio in the process. I don't know how far you already are, but if you are dedicated with this for a few years, I can almost guarantee you'll learn more than you would have from a 4 year school.

[OldJake666]

I'm not criticizing your taste in music. I'm saying that you need to consider that maybe the media you're exposing yourself to isn't helpful to your problem, especially if Sigur Ros is the happiest thing you listen to. I've seen your art, and it's quite obvious that you let the dark stuff have the greatest impact on you. I don't know if I'm as obsessed with music as you are, but I'm up there (I listen to easily 10 hours a day), and in my experience music has held huge impact on both my artwork and the way I feel towards life and people in general.

Also, don't be so sensitive. There's no need to snap or get all defensive... that kind of behavior, and being so obsessed with music that you hold it as more important than people isn't going to start winning you any friends.

Some Sigur Ros is depressive whilst some is INSANELY happy. Have you heard Med Sud or Takk... ? And I listen to a lot of other happy music, not just Sigur Ros. Yes is obnoxiously cheerful, as is most prog, and prog happens to be the genre that I listen to most often...

It's paradoxical because I generally listen to dark music when I feel dark and lighter music when I feel happy. Due to the fact that I feel dark more often than happy I tend to listen to more dark music than light.

[Ian Barker]

Heh... I definitely wouldn't call it "insanely" happy, although there are a couple more uplifting tracks on their last two albums. And what prog do you listen to that's cheerful? I need some of that.

[OldJake666]

Heh... I definitely wouldn't call it "insanely" happy, although there are a couple more uplifting tracks on their last two albums. And what prog do you listen to that's cheerful? I need some of that.

Most prog is... Yes, Genesis, Camel, most Italian stuff like PFM and Banco, Gentle Giant, Supertramp, (some) Jethro Tull, (some) Frank Zappa, Caravan, Gong, etc.

There's "happy" metal too... Just listen to Devin Townsend's Synchestra.

[Dorkthrone]

I just recently started picking up the paintbrush again. Now I realize why I didn't.


Some Sigur Ros is depressive whilst some is INSANELY happy. Have you heard Med Sud or Takk... ? And I listen to a lot of other happy music, not just Sigur Ros. Yes is obnoxiously cheerful, as is most prog, and prog happens to be the genre that I listen to most often...
Sigur Ros is actually really cheerful. I've also got to mention Bjork. Her music is insanely uplifting.

[PxelSlayer]

Bjork IS uplifting (Triumph of the hart, Who is it, Big time sensuality)...:)

OT - my sleeping disorder kicked in...AGAIN...overslept 2 days of classes by now...:nohope:

[GriNGo]

When I listen to ASESINO it makes me happy as hell. What does that make me (according to you fellas?)

[Dorkthrone]

I can't get a ride to a concert I've been really looking forward to. Thankfully, there's a bus route that goes to CityWalk (give or take a few transfers)

[birdsatemyface]

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb20/grammarnazi/Picture1-2.png

:\

[biglu]

This dude

DDCNkig-3rE


.. & these girls

I hope this video's just a parody of bigoted dumb people and not actually real

Oh0_Ikz5sqE

[TASmith]

First California, now Maine takes a step backward.

Biglu, how can that depress you (other than the obvious, worrying about progress, etc)? Those videos just crack me up. I bet that first kid felt sooo empowered making that clip...

Didn't see the second one yet, but all I can think is skycake, why do you taste sooo gooood...

"It's really like... you know insightful. The Indian we learned. I think I guess like, Indians are Hindus? You know it's not the right- I know it's not the right path..."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you African or Asian? Then why do you wear the scarf?

Yeah, that's a parody.

[Dorkthrone]

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb20/grammarnazi/Picture1-2.png

:\

Goddamn it, Maine.

TASmith: I love Patton Oswalt's sky-cake bit so much.

[Ariel9]

Yeah, NinjaCat, right there with you, that's also what made *me* depressed today D:

[Rist]

the fact that im living a lie

[Dished]

I cant make apple pies from scratch......cause i have to invent the universe first...dammit dammit dammit


im like super close though

[nauvice]

friends who fiend drugs, especially when they are your business partners and are the stereotypical druggie; lazy, dishonest, theives, who just want to "chill" than face reality and do any type of work, so I end up doing most of it by myself.

[TASmith]

Ditch em. They're not friends.

[nauvice]

you are right, its just that to dump a very close friend as soon as they've become drug addicts is harder than it sounds, because deep inside you really want to help them before they become even worst

[Irishdrunk]

Ah, I know what you mean zwarrior.

It's hard to watch friends become druggies. Highschool seemed to change a lot of good 'ol friends. But when you develop a tumor, ya gotta cut it off.

i've ceased all contact to my old elementary friends. Kind of sad thinking of us as little kids with such high expectations, only to watch those innocent faces become a stereo-typic druggie. I just tell myself, some friendships aren't supposed to last. And down the road, i'll buy them a sandwhich while in town for a big art show.

[TASmith]

"to dump a very close friend as soon as they've become drug addicts is harder than it sounds"

I know I've done it. Ditch 'em.

[LORD M]

What made me depressed today? Well, I ate a dark chocolate bar yesterday and spent the whole night in the bathroom after that. Now my day is completely ruined and I feel like someone have stabbed my intestines with red-glowing knifes - from the inside. Never again chocolate.

[Liam Harvey]

What made me depressed today? Well, I ate a dark chocolate bar yesterday and spent the whole night in the bathroom after that. Now my day is completely ruined and I feel like someone have stabbed my intestines with red-glowing knifes - from the inside. Never again chocolate.

on a simmilar note, i ate a packet of samboy potato chips and in return received "light" food poisoning.
Not a good way to be.

that was a while ago. what depressed me today is the realisation that i am not living up to promises i make to myself.

[D.Labruyere]

sorry for making this topic a bit more 'serious' again, I want to add a 'real' story.

When I was, 16-17? I stumbled on conceptart.org. I was a very happy kid ( I really was :p) because I finally found the place who could teach me how to draw. But also a place which pushed a person very much in one direction, drawing realistic. Anyways, I loved it, met some really cool people on here, and learned tons. I got better at drawing, and started to push my limits when it came to realistic drawings.

You can imagine the shock I had when I went to my art acamedy, and found people doing the most bizarre stuff. (And my class did some strange, even creepy things :s ) I ofcourse thought that all to be bullshit (because ofcourse all abstract is ugly!). I went to that school for a couple of months, ofcourse not liking it, so I didn't really listen to what the teachers had to say, and eventually quited.

I have never regretted that decision. After quiting school I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to do something with art (which was quite an obsession for me) but didn't know how to do it. I did a lot of self-studying, but that didn't quite work out for me. anyways, I came in a 2-year 'depression' which I have recenlty 'come out' of. (if that is the right saying in english :s )

Then I started to think about what I was actually doing. I was obsessively aiming to reach some 'unachievable' goal, but with that neglecting a lot of other beautifull things about art. Ofcourse my teachers were right, art wasn't some mechanical thing, which could be fully understood and learned. There was far more to it, art was a way to express yourself, to show and provoke emotions, it was far more than trying to draw a perfect shaped body, with a gun to give it a reason to draw it. You can almost really say, that art is able to capture your soul for a second, giving you one blink of a perfect beautifull world before letting you go. Art is emotion.

And sometimes that means making very ugly, totally abstract bullshit. Bullshit that can be more beautifull than the best well proportioned figure can ever be. The technique can only be used as a tool, a tool to make the beautifull things more beautifull.

No idea why I wrote this,

Daniel

[ChristmasBunneh]

I feel bad about getting depressed over something like this, like an inconsiderate spoiled brat.

I generally have a very good, understanding, liberal relationship with my parents and being the youngest in the family I'm used to having a more central position in it and people actually caring for me. I don't think I'm pampered but you know, I'm used to someone boiling an egg for me, too, in the morning and knocking on my door if it's past 7am and I'm still sleeping or if I ask them to pick up a parcel from the post office then they remember that.

But around three weeks ago my older sis developed some bad symptoms and she had to be rushed to the hospital. Her condition, whatever it is we don't know exactly yet, has been fluctuating from OK to pretty bad ever since. She temporarily moved back in. Pretty much everything going around has been about her. Even when she's more OK, every conversation is relating to her, every action is organised considering her etc.

And this is why I feel bad about getting depressed over it as I, too, am worried about her. But I just feel left out. I know it's not so but it seems as if they couldn't care less about how I'm doing. No bother calling me before the hotpot gets cold or forget that my lunchmoney needs paying. These are small things that I could swallow but... they even forgot my birthday. I'm old enough not to expect presents in bed, a simple: "Good morning, happy birthday." is OK. I watched all morning, they showed no sigh of knowing it. Disappointed I went to school. Later at night I pouted that it is my birthday and they went all defense mode on me, that my sister is sick. I KNOW! That was Friday, been in a bad mood ever since.

[TASmith]

Labruyere, just keep painting and studying. You've still got hands, eyes, and youth. So don't give up. Bunneh, happy birthday! Now go see if you can help with your sister.

[Slash]

christmasbunneh: This is one of the times where you need to put others in front of yourself. Its not an easy time for your family, and acting spoiled is only gonna bring unnecessary tension into the household. Things are bound to turn around once she recovers, for now maybe consider boiling an egg for someone. (literally an metaphorically.)

I don't mean to sound harsh or mean tho, sorry if it comes across that way. I'm hoping for your sister's swift recovery!

[rossipoo]

Loving somebody you can't have... No matter how perfect that person is, Even if the person makes you so happy and every time you look at the person, it cures all your sadness inside and makes you forget about what's bad in the world, Even when you close your eyes all you can think of is that person, Even if the person made you into a better person with just getting to know them, sometimes it's just not meant to be. Sometimes it just seems that i'm tricking myself of what could be,

That's what made me depressed today, finding the most kindest perfect soul in the entire world that changes you into a completely better person, and you know it could never be.

[Farvus]

What's depressing for me is being aware of how many areas I could practice to improve my concept art but not being able to do everything at once. So many possibilities and so small amount of time and focus available.

[the ANGRY filipino]

MY WIFE

[the_jos]

My girlfriend moves out to her family today, she suffers from bipolar disorder and had too much going on in her life to keep going on (long story, mostly outside my and her influence). Sad to see her lying on the couch all day doing nothing and not responding (except a minor fight we had) to anything.
I'm happy that she is in good hands but I'm not sure our relationship will hold.
In a past relationship I gave 110% and suffered badly from it and I started to notice I was pushing my edges again. Time will tell I guess.

[ChristmasBunneh]

christmasbunneh: This is one of the times where you need to put others in front of yourself. Its not an easy time for your family, and acting spoiled is only gonna bring unnecessary tension into the household. Things are bound to turn around once she recovers, for now maybe consider boiling an egg for someone. (literally an metaphorically.)

I know. This is exactly why I feel bad about getting depressed over it. I'm not really pissed because they don't boil me eggs I just feel..I dunno... so forgotten. I just hope she starts getting better both for her sake and my sake and for the entire family's sake.

[nauvice]

D.Labruyere awesome post, what made you depressed is typical; people usually hate what they don't understand. But Im not sure if your learned lesson was to be more open minded to other kinds of art, or if you just sucked it up and are only tolerating abstract for the time being.

ChristmasBunneh, that feeling is normal, nothing to feel guilty about, though it is a bit childish. Sickness in a family is always a terrible thing, and your parents don't mean to devalue you but your sister is sick and yes her health is a priority.

rossipoo, o gawd I think everyone goes through this at least once in their life, I feel for you, I hope your infatuation dies asap.

good luck the_jos

-----------

also small conclusion to what I wrote a few days ago about my drug junkie friends... I decided not to dump them. Last year, there was a girl I knew (but wasnt close with) who OD'd on heroin, she was in her dorm room by herself. The only "friends" she had were those encouraging her or who were careless to how much drugs she was doing. I figure if I desert my friends, they will only surround themselves with other druggies and will only get worst.

[ArtZealot]

I normally dont have a reason to post here as i try to be optomistic and not dwell on the bad. However, I watched a documentary on Auschwitz today, a 5 hour long one. To say the least, that story is pretty fucking depressing.

The documentary was great though, it didn't really just focus on Auschwitz, it focused on the entire story as told from jewish survivors and a few SS troops (now in their eighties.) It told about all of the prison and death camps, and peoples experiences being relocated to them, tales of escape, corruption within the german ranks, etc. It was actually a pretty good documentary, albeit a bit depressing.

[nonameowns]

What's depressing for me is being aware of how many areas I could practice to improve my concept art but not being able to do everything at once. So many possibilities and so small amount of time and focus available.

same here! that and school and shit. I have TON of stuff to learn... I have the resources ready. Time is always and will be our foe. >_>

bit of bit each day don't do me well. I want least 2 hours of focus at least..

[rossipoo]

My mom got laid off yesterday.. She is a single mother and still has to provide for me until until i move out.. And my grandma got cancer at the beginning of this year.

...

[Peter Coene]

This made me depressed today:

[TASmith]

That is so fucking evil. What would Bill Waterson say?

[Blaz]

Well I guess the feeling of overall aimless-ness which depresses me.

Like having high goals in life, but having absolutely no self tolerance, nor someone who would back me up.

:/

[GriNGo]

This made me depressed today: CALVIN HOBBES STRIP

http://www.livevideo.com/video/benhn1/2224F7CE7CB34505A1DEAEC23CE3B963/robot-chicken-calvin-n-hobbes.aspx


My mom got laid off yesterday.. She is a single mother and still has to provide for me until until i move out.. And my grandma got cancer at the beginning of this year....
I feel for you Rossipoo. Be strong my man!

[Liam Harvey]

My hand raised Bird of seven years passed away early this morning...you could see it coming...he looked so sad.

[the_jos]

also small conclusion to what I wrote a few days ago about my drug junkie friends... I decided not to dump them. Last year, there was a girl I knew (but wasnt close with) who OD'd on heroin, she was in her dorm room by herself. The only "friends" she had were those encouraging her or who were careless to how much drugs she was doing. I figure if I desert my friends, they will only surround themselves with other druggies and will only get worst.

Thanks for the heads up, zwarrior.

When I read this I feel I should give you both a cheer and a warning.
I think it's good to care about other people and be friends of them.
But you also need to understand that things can still go wrong, not only for them but also for you.

Let me give an example I used before.
Assume someone hangs on the edge of a cliff or a building.
You decide to step in and grab his hand.
There are several outcomes to this. When the both of you work together you might be able to save this person, depending on your own strength and his remaining strength.
One other outcome is that you can hold him long enough for others to step in and start helping.

Those two are the positive outcomes. The next one is that the two of you don't have the strength to hold on to each other. He will fall down, either because he cannot hold on anymore or because you cannot hold on anymore. I don't think you can comfort your mind with 'at least I tried'.
Worst outcome would be that he's going to struggle. This will put your life in danger because you can also be dragged down. And it will wear the two of you down fast, so falling is a matter of time.

I don't see being friends with drug users as a problem. You need to look at their complete life, for as much as you can see it. Then you can determine what you can mean to them as friend. I think everyone is worth having a friend, but not everyone is fit to be the friend of someone.

I hope you make a good friend to your friends, just don't forget about yourself.

[nauvice]

you're right. It's true, they've dragged me down along with them before. now I've decided to remain friends, but keep a short distance. As in, using your metaphor, if they were hanging at the edge of the cliff, I will extend my hand to help, but it would be a few inches away, they would have to make the effort to grab it, so I would know they want to save themselves first before I should bother trying to save them. So in case they ever realize on their own the damages its causing on their lives, they will know they have a friend to support them.

[{CKL}]

Looking at my two year old son and knowing that one day death will separate us.

[Slash]

Friends doing drugs.. ech thats a tough one. From my experience, you can't help them if they:

1. Don't want to quit.
2. Don't want to change social circle.
3. Don't want to deal with underlying problems.

No matter how much you try and help a friend it won't do much if he or she is gonna hang out with their druggie friends all day.

[George Abraham]

http://www.synthmuseum.com/casio/casvltone01.jpg
http://blog.audiojungle.net/wp-content/uploads/1-27-09-korg_ds_10_gamestop_582.jpg

[Straight Edge Ryan]

2 things. all my classes are full of a bunch of whiners. 6 people dropped my speech class just because they didn't want to do a project and everyone in my drawing 2 class just sits around and bitches about having to draw the same model or the teacher giving us assignments (which are almost always pretty open ended)

and the other thing is because modern warfare 2 has been out since tuesday and I can't play it because one of the controllers on my motherboard broke and I have to order a new one before I can even fix it. Seriously, what's with me and breaking my computer every 2 weeks?

[nauvice]

Friends doing drugs.. ech thats a tough one. From my experience, you can't help them if they:

1. Don't want to quit.
2. Don't want to change social circle.
3. Don't want to deal with underlying problems.

No matter how much you try and help a friend it won't do much if he or she is gonna hang out with their druggie friends all day.

I relate to everything you wrote. Especially number 3; they all complain how much their lives suck, they either dont know why, or its a common man's problem that usually they're to blame for and could've controlled. But for them, they deal with these problems through drugs and as long as they stay on drugs they wont have to face those issues rather than face and deal with them. The only thing I can do for now is pressure them little by little rather than force them to quit. I know they hate when I do it, but at least I know they are listening and they are aware that its not acceptable, than living in some delusion where doing drugs is okay.

only time will tell before I can say if they improved or not, Im being oppomistic.

[Dorkthrone]

I need some white acrylic paint, but a) I don't have a car so I can't go to an art store
b) it's not available online

[kelly x]

Gerbil Fetus, So sorry you lost your friend, it's so sad to loose a pet you've become so close to!!.
CKLamb, it's really good to voice your fears sometimes, you have a two year old son, I remember thinking this several times when my son was two also!! It's hard not to look at them and think this sometimes. I'm sure this is not what you think every time you look at him, try to enjoy all the time you do have and every stage of development. My son is in college now and I'll have to say the best unwritten rule I had for myself was to enjoy the here and now with him and not jump ahead.
zwarrior, I read the funny stuff you put in the cheer me up thread every day, your humor will help you to deal with a lot in life, I don't know what to tell you about druggie friends except don't let them drag you down again, if this starts to weigh on you too much you'll have to drop them again for you.
Straight Edge Ryan, Sorry about the people in your classes, can you wear an I-pod and just focus on your drawing skills, or try to mentally block them out.

I was sad all week for no reason at all but today was much better.

[alesoun]

Life, just life... can't live with it, can't live without it. ;)

[Liam Harvey]

missed the first two hours of marshall Vandruffs Anatomy class, only because i slept in, after i decided to have a nap before it started.

Not Depressed about it, but it bugs me that i felt out of sync with the class when i hurriedly logged in.

[Enydimon]

Got yelled at by a friend for not taking an art job because I found out that I probably wouldn't be the right person for it(they wanted environments and vehicles and I'm not too grand at that.) Had to endure him telling me off for not taking it and him telling me that I was being an idiot. I kept trying to explain to him that I wanted to build my confidence up with smaller jobs and felt this job was too big of a step(it was a big company.) More insults, more of him sticking his fingers in his ears... more of him ignoring what I was saying. A whole lot more of him ignoring the fact that I wanted to work on my depression issues, him thinking I'm making excuses... then cutting me off and telling me to start being 'myself'. I have no idea where that came from. Now he wont talk to me, and I ended up pissing off my ex yesterday to the point where she doesn't want anything to do with me it seems like.

Was already dealing with mental issues, felt like I was overcoming a big one but ended up breaking down and feeling miserable after that.

Haven't been able to draw... just been sitting around... can't bring myself to do anything today.

[nauvice]

^That's sad to hear. Honestly I think you should have took it... life is all about taking risks, so what if its something you're not used to, you're at conceptart, you could have gotten help. Not saying you're wrong, noone is, in fact maybe your friend was being too forceful in trying to encourage you, but that's all he wanted to do, just try to help, but he cant help you if you wont help yourself. I dont think you're wrong, but I would have personally tried it out first before knocking it down. so what if I fail? better knowing i did than thinking I would, its a lesson learned.

[alesoun]

Endimon, you know as well as I do that depression is linked to anxiety and stress.

Yeah, I've been seeing on the other thread about how people seem to think that depression is about being fed up or feeling sad. It's not; it's about flat-lining, about not actually being able to feel much of anything. No joy. No hope. About feeling that any time you step out of the door into a sunny day, a big ole piano is going to fall on your head. About not being able to relax and enjoy simple things because you just know there's a sub-plot of let-down and despair hiding in there.

You may have been making a mistake to turn down that job, who knows? The only way you would have known for sure would have been to take it and succeed or fail, and only you can be the best judge of that.

Having said that, it sounds like your friend was really rooting for you and has faith in you, so try not to be too hard on him. He doesn't understand what it's like trying to climb out of a well full of treacle, but it sounds like he is trying to help.

It's okay to feel miserable. At least you're not numbed down, so that's good.

As to your girl? A little grovelling and some roses might do the trick if she's worth it. Listen to why she's pissed off and see if you could make things better with her.

[Enydimon]

^That's sad to hear. Honestly I think you should have took it... life is all about taking risks, so what if its something you're not used to, you're at conceptart, you could have gotten help. Not saying you're wrong, noone is, in fact maybe your friend was being too forceful in trying to encourage you, but that's all he wanted to do, just try to help, but he cant help you if you wont help yourself. I dont think you're wrong, but I would have personally tried it out first before knocking it down. so what if I fail? better knowing i did than thinking I would, its a lesson learned.

And that would be a better way of putting it.

I don't think I would have been able to post to get help seeing as it would be under a NDA. Maybe I could have gotten help with practise works at least. That I would have been able to agree to and find reasonable.

Still, maybe I would have seen what he said in a different light if he wasn't always being negative about everything I choose to do. I chose not to go to school and he acted negatively toward it and argued. 5 months ago I decided to go get some work and work on my portfolio and he starts arguing and telling me I'm making a mistake, and suddenly now he wants me to go take on these big jobs? He's not giving the other side as much as he's just taking shots at me. I guess that's more of what got me down.

[GabeLucena]

Okay.. What made you depressed today?


I've been working.. alot. On average about 80-100+ hours a week and it's been this way for a year and a half. I work on electronics in very depressing environments in the natural gas industry: Gravel, dirt, metal, loud engines, wires, rednecks with no personal ties to art or anything that I'm into-everyday. I've been stuck in ohio(900 miles from home) for the last 2 weeks working and I'm ready to drop everything and leave. I feel like I'm in the movie Groundhog Day.

I have this regret that I'm missing out on so many important things in life. I stopped drawing for a few years after some deaths in the family and it was like my artistic drive went with it as I progressivly used work as a cruch to hide from my fear that I would never fully get back into art. Recently I started having overwhelming feelings to drop everything, live cheap, and return to my roots. It's like I'm longing to transfer this feeling of lost time and opportunity into art.

You all understand when I say I know I was meant to be an artist. My mom is finally gaining recognition in New mexico after she stopped for many years and it's only taken 5 years or so for her to get there. She gives me alot of hope but it's so hard when I don't have the time. I'm not satisfied with just being a has been.

I've read your posts to take risks.. but the world isnt kind when you cut your income to a fraction. Yes, I sound like a wuss. :/

[Kaileighblue]

My friend, whom I live with, spent 8 hours doing nothing but playing video games on a Saturday. I sat downstairs trying to force myself to do something productive while wondering why I moved 1500 miles away from home to waste my life sleeping on a guy's couch. He'd rather me draw women for him to masturbate to than ever look at me in that way. Therefor I no longer want to draw women, so he gets mopey. Then on the off chance I feel like drawing them he wants to stand behind me and watch.

Jesus, has anyone else had a problem remotely similar to this? This is just the summary it gets worse.

[Dorkthrone]

Not being all that productive today.

[crossmirage]

Cleaver + finger. :(

[lkjhgfdsa]

I overreacted and called someone a douche because they couldn't take the time to write lkjhgfdsa and now I am being hated on for it.
I take medication for my Social Anexiety Dissorder - people and me don't mix as I was born with a funny brain and have never been able to communicate well.
I find that my social interactions always leave me with regrets and while knowing I shouldn't let these thoughts make me depressed, they do.
It is a chemical imbalance that my medication is supposed to alleviate but it doesn't make me any less of a pricklypear - I take offense and have to stop and think wether it was meant or not -usually it is and having unfortunately grown up with junkies and thugs I have become very jaded and defensive.
Nearly every person I have allowed into my life has ended up stealing from me and abusing my generosity -it is part of my mental disorder to be overactive and overly thoughful of how I interact with others.
My inability to play nice has me depressed today.

[kelly x]

lkjhgfdsa, The fact that you just wrote this makes me like you and it will make you feel better getting it out, I am one of the people who was fighting with you on the thread too :), (but you know that, don't ya;)) I erased my last post which was beyond evil and wrote something about dragons instead. I know the girl who critiqued your piece and misspelled your name and when someone attacks a friend I dive to their side and protect them, always!!
Sometimes people lose their tempers and say nasty things out of defensiveness and things get worse before they get better. Sometimes just stating that you feel bad for your part in it can clear everything up, I am sorry for my part in it is all I can add.
Sorry for your condition and I hope the mads can help.

[dcorc]

Cleaver + finger. :(

Are we talking bandage here - or only being able to order half-pints from now on :$


Dave

[{CKL}]

I was working on a graphite self-portrait today, and, without looking, grabbed an eraser that had burnt sienna all over the tip. I made a move to erase a stray mark on the broadside of my face....burnt sienna streak all over the damn place. Son of a bitch!

[IanE]

Burning bridges I worked so hard to build.

[aaronblack]

I just found out how much money I am going to need to get into college and I fell short by a big margin. I m trying to work ends up by getting a loan though.

[Nerahla]

I overreacted and called someone a douche because they couldn't take the time to write lkjhgfdsa and now I am being hated on for it.
I take medication for my Social Anexiety Dissorder - people and me don't mix as I was born with a funny brain and have never been able to communicate well.
I find that my social interactions always leave me with regrets and while knowing I shouldn't let these thoughts make me depressed, they do.
It is a chemical imbalance that my medication is supposed to alleviate but it doesn't make me any less of a pricklypear - I take offense and have to stop and think wether it was meant or not -usually it is and having unfortunately grown up with junkies and thugs I have become very jaded and defensive.
Nearly every person I have allowed into my life has ended up stealing from me and abusing my generosity -it is part of my mental disorder to be overactive and overly thoughful of how I interact with others.
My inability to play nice has me depressed today.

If it's absolutely any consolation at all, I didn't get offended in the slightest by anything you said to me at all. Don't worry about it, mate.

[Clochette]

My friend, whom I live with, spent 8 hours doing nothing but playing video games on a Saturday. I sat downstairs trying to force myself to do something productive while wondering why I moved 1500 miles away from home to waste my life sleeping on a guy's couch. He'd rather me draw women for him to masturbate to than ever look at me in that way. Therefor I no longer want to draw women, so he gets mopey. Then on the off chance I feel like drawing them he wants to stand behind me and watch.

Jesus, has anyone else had a problem remotely similar to this? This is just the summary it gets worse.

:( Hopefully i don't have a similar problem, though i have a solution, it's basically already in your question :
What the fuck are you doing wasting your life with such a crappy situation?! Leave that dickhead and go back home! .__.

[Krato]

looking at a better artists work and thinking that i wont be able to reach that level of skill.. that maybe im doing something wrong, or just cant learn things quite as well.. this is a sad thread :(

[TASmith]

I got depressed watching Bill Hannelly from EHow... Art Education is much maligned...

[crossmirage]

Are we talking bandage here - or only being able to order half-pints from now on :$


Dave

Just a bandage since the thing hit my nail, but boy does it hurt :(

[Kaileighblue]

:( Hopefully i don't have a similar problem, though i have a solution, it's basically already in your question :
What the fuck are you doing wasting your life with such a crappy situation?! Leave that dickhead and go back home! .__.

I'm a masochist. Everyone back home expects me to come back crying, but the home I left isn't there anymore anyway. My dog died, my mom married a guy I don't like, and moved to a new house in the 6 month span since I left.

Really though I felt better today. I just wish he got why I get upset with him. I have told him. I just don't think he comprehends how much it bothers me. I think he's content with being an old bachelor who happens to have a chick living with him.

I wish I could hate him.

But this is totally something for a therapist. :|

[nauvice]

my parents want me to get a job. Im not sure who's wrong or right... Am I right for not wanting a job so I can focus on my art, and my parents wrong for not being understanding and supportive (they are certain that once Im done with school I wont get a job to pay for it, because artists dont make money)... Or am I wrong because they are the ones supporting me with food/school, and it would be wise to show that I can be independent and that I am not spoiled by living off of their money. Sometimes I think its a parent's job to support their kids that way, but I have read stories of parents who stop supporting their kids by age 18, and those kids learn to do things on their own, so I feel guilty. Im confused.

[Krato]

my parents want me to get a job. Im not sure who's wrong or right... Am I right for not wanting a job so I can focus on my art, and my parents wrong for not being understanding and supportive (they are certain that once Im done with school I wont get a job to pay for it, because artists dont make money)... Or am I wrong because they are the ones supporting me with food/school, and it would be wise to show that I can be independent and that I am not spoiled by living off of their money. Sometimes I think its a parent's job to support their kids that way, but I have read stories of parents who stop supporting their kids by age 18, and those kids learn to do things on their own, so I feel guilty. Im confused.

heh, my parents want me to get a job too.. but i dont have time, the difference between us and everybody else is that art is our job. If you stop working on your artwork then you wont get a job down the road. Show your parents that you can be successful as an artist, show them that you know allot of "art people" and that you already have connections. I wouldnt say your really spoiled.. you'll be making up for it when your parents are in their 70s and they need to live with you. :P

[WinterTime]

reading the rest of the posts in this thread will be sure to bring me down. Sorry.
-

I'm never happy..., unless I'm drawing. The End.

And thank-you. [smiley-face] ;-)

[daestwen]

zwarrior: there's a lot more to getting a job at a younger age than just the pay check. I had to pay my way through school though, so I worked and did school at the same time, managed to stay an A student and work on my art in the meantime. At the very least it forces you to manage your time! At the best you learn how to work with people, how to deal with adverse situations, and a whole load of other things that can only learn while doing, all of which will help you if you want an art job later. Yes your portfolio is really important, but if your art is awesome and you're a total dick and impossible to work with then no one is going to hire you anyway. Or, at least, fire you as soon as they figure this out. I know way too many kids who I went to school with who fell to similar fates!

Besides, if you have some sort of job under your belt now it makes it loads easier later. If you want to focus on your art, try to find a job that will help you with that, or at least vaguely related to keep you focused? Like an art supply store, book store, copy center, computer store, video game store (if that's where you'd like to go)... All the above hire no-experience jobs and then you can build time working toward the industry you'll be looking into applying later.

It doesn't hurt to prove you're a grown up to your parents either. ;]

[HunterKiller_]

I'm not depressed today because I worked hard.
Let's all work hard, and say FUCK YEAH!!!

[i hate art]

i just realized i will never be able to have sex with myself

[Leonor]

The cheer me up thread depressed me. It's that the kind of thing that cheers people up?

[nauvice]

looking at a better artists work and thinking that i wont be able to reach that level of skill.. that maybe im doing something wrong, or just cant learn things quite as well.. this is a sad thread :(even scarier is when those same better artists are looking for work... what chance do we have if they cant get one.

[Ryan K]

Today started by seeing 3 people crying, one in a restaurant, one in a car, the other walking on the sidewalk.

[Dorkthrone]

I lost my college ID...to a fucking vending machine.

[Black Spot]

I lost my college ID...to a fucking vending machine.

Will security be able to tell the difference?

[TASmith]

"I hate art", were your hands amputated?

Ninjacat, was alcohol involved? :D

[Jovian M]

heh, my parents want me to get a job too.. but i dont have time, the difference between us and everybody else is that art is our job. If you stop working on your artwork then you wont get a job down the road. Show your parents that you can be successful as an artist, show them that you know allot of "art people" and that you already have connections. I wouldnt say your really spoiled.. you'll be making up for it when your parents are in their 70s and they need to live with you. :P

I really hate this post.

Getting a job is more than a paycheck. It's a sense of responsibility. It's setting you up for the 'real world', and the big bad shit you're going to be facing. If you can work and improve, you're going to have twice the experience and gone through twice as much shit as the guy who had everything handed to him while he was working towards getting good.

[Dorkthrone]

"I hate art", were your hands amputated?

Ninjacat, was alcohol involved? :D

No. Somehow, I still managed to do this while sober.

[nauvice]

Getting a job is more than a paycheck. It's a sense of responsibility.school, or at least a good school, does the same thing.... without relying on money as a reward to do hard work

[PxelSlayer]

"Dear diary..." :davi:

Most depressing is the fact that I can still get depressed. Darn it, I thought I managed to put a lid on and control my emotions and all that crap, and here I am, sounding like an emo.

Note to self - high expectations end with big disappointments. Spare yourself the trouble. Go and wash the dishes.

[NanoBlack]

being jobless. Sigh... :(

[Peter Coene]

The opposite of this (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2504712&postcount=5044).

[slig665]

i just realized i will never be able to have sex with myself

Not with that attitude! Find a way, make sacrifices, take risks, commit! Never give up!

And keep the Emergency room on speed dial.

I'd find something to whine about but who cares?

[Leonor]

The opposite of this (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2504712&postcount=5044).

Girlfriend left?

[Dorkthrone]

Link (http://www.antiquiet.com/news/2009/11/mars-volta-new-drummer/)
This is relatively minor, but still. The Mars Volta is one of my favorite bands and it's sad to see a good drummer from it go.

[Kaileighblue]

The friend mentioned in this (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2536166&postcount=45) post read it and is now pissed at me and his preferred method of showing it is refusing to talk to me. Yay for shared computers.

[MyOrangeHat]

My mom is depressed because she's had it tough lately at the farm. I can't help her right now because of school. But seeing her sad is worse than being sad myself. I want to fix everything for her and I can't do anything.

[nauvice]

The friend mentioned in this (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2536166&postcount=45) post read it and is now pissed at me and his preferred method of showing it is refusing to talk to me. Yay for shared computers.

if its any help, I think that's funny :)